Naruto at Hogwarts
by YonderB
Summary: Naruto x Harry Potter xover. team 7, Kakashi, Tsunade and Jiraiya are taken to Hogwarts. team7 is to protect Harry and gather info. but lots of other things happen too! such as Kakashi's book being read to the class and more. rated for language & stuff
1. long term mission, witches and wizards

"_italics_" foreign language; aka Japanese.

"no italics" native language; aka english.

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Tsunade sat at her desk, looking at the occupants of the four chairs in front of her.

Uchiha Sasuke, Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura and Hatake Kakashi looked at her from the other side of the desk.

"_we're going to be doing a long-term mission._" announced Tsunade, linking her fingers together and looking at the four shinobi over them.

Kakashi, of whom knew what the mission was about, glanced at Tsunade over his beloved smutty book, then turned the page to read some smutty r-rated goodness.

Sakura tilted her head to the side, thinking about what this 'long term mission' could be.

Sasuke opened his deep black eyes and looked at the Godiame, almost looking curious.

Naruto grinned and leaned closer in his seat. he always loved long-term missions. they nearly always meant danger.

"_we'll be going to the school 'hogwarts' for a year. this school is for witches and wizards. the headmaster, Dumbledore, has asked Kakashi to be his next Defense against the Dark Arts teacher, and for me to be a guest of honour._" explained Tsunade, motioning a hand taward Kakashi when she said his name.

"_Dumbledore said that we may bring some children as exchange students. and kakashi has chosen you three._" Tsunade continued, motioning toward the two 16-year-olds and the 15-year old infront of her.

Sakura beamed. "_a school! wonderful! i bet there are loads of things i can learn there!_" she chimed happily.

"_a school!" _shreaked Naruto, waving his hands in the air. _"a big load of poop that is! it's just a boring old school! and we're not children anymore, Tsunade-o-baa-chan! i may be the youngest, but i'm HEAPS better than he is! and he's older!_" Naruto yelled, pointing at Sasuke.

"_dumb ass..._" muttered Sasuke softly, sighing and crossing his arms.

Naruto fumed, a vein popping in his forehead.

"_you said 'witches and wizards', Hokage-sama..._" Sasuke said slowly, bringing the words to the attention of his two teammates.

Tsunade nodded.

"_but... i thought witches and wizards were things from fairy-tales!_" gasped Sakura, staring at her female sensei and hokage.

Tsunade shook her head. "_it's the same to them. ninja and shinobi are just from stories where they come from._" she sighed, scratching behind her ear absent-mindedly.

Naruto gaped. Sakura almost squealed in delight. imagine how much she could learn from MAGIC! Sasuke's eyes sparkled ever so slightly with red. imagine the power he could gain if he could get a hand on this... magic...

"_the school year will not start for another week, but Dumbledore has requested that we come a week in advance. so that means, today. anyway, we're due to leave in half an hour. get your stuff packed. say goodbye. we'll be staying there for around a year or less._" Tsunade said, standing up.

Naruto grinned, saluted and ran out the door. Sakura bowed to Tsunade and ran just as fast out the door as Naruto. Sasuke gave Tsunade a polite nod and walked out of the door. leaving only Tsunade and Kakashi in the room.

"_... you didn't tell them about the Potter boy... and what we're supposed to do with him..._" Kakashi breathed softly under his mask, bookmarking his page and slipping the smutty book into his pocket.

Tsunade sighed, scratching behind her neck absent-mindedly. "_... i know... i just... don't want Naruto to get too ahead of himself... just yet..._"

((TBC))


	2. Robes, PortKey and the old fart

Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke re-entered the Hokage's office twenty minutes later. Naruto was brimming with excitement. Sakura was flicking through her english dictionary and Sasuke was flicking bits of dried blood and dirt from under his fingernails with a senbon (those needles that Haku uses).

"_we ready?_" asked Tsunade, standing behind her desk. she was wearing her usial attire. her shirt that showed a little too much cleavage, her 'gamble' coat and her high heels.

Kakashi was standing beside Tsunade, he was wearing a pair of black jeans, a white t-shirt with a navy-blue button-up shirt over the top. as usial, he still had his mask on. his forehead protector had been removed, and he had now just got bandages over his left eye. he had swapped his open-toe sandles for shiny black leather shoes.

Sakura gaped. "_S-sensei! i've never seen you look so... so... normal!_" he squeaked, gaping at Kakashi's white shirt which seemed to be straining ever so slightly against his finely toned muscles.

Kakashi just shrugged. "_you guys need to get changed too. you have to look like a normal person. not a ninja._" he said, shrugging again.

Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura looked at eachother.

"_but... this is normal!_" Sakura and Naruto said in unison. Sasuke nodded in agreement.

Tsunade and Kakashi chuckled.

"_here. throw these on._" said the hokage, throwing black bundles at each of the teens.

the three of them caught the bundles with ease and unfolded them.

"_they're Hogwarts 'robes'. you'll be wearing those while we're in the hogwarts grounds._" explained Tsunade, the edges of her lips tilting upwards ever so slightly.

Naruto stared. "bleeeehhh! they're black! so boooring!" whined Naruto, putting his back-pack on the ground and kneeling down, inspecting the robes very closely, holding them up to the light.

Sakura lifted up her skirt and placed it against her body, checking it's the right size.

Sasuke rubbed the material inbatween his fingers softly, his black eyes lingering over the badge on the tie.

"_well, go on! get dressed!_" chimed Tsunade, taking Sasuke, Sakura and Naruto's bags from them and ushering them out of the office and into the bathrooms that were on the same level.

five minutes later, Tsunade was sitting at her desk, looking at a small golden pyramid which was glowing dimly on her desk, Kakadhi sitting on the edge of the desk, reading his smutty book once again.

five minutes after that, Sakura, Naruto and Sasuke entered the office.

Sakura was looking happy in her new robes, dusting off her sleeves and walking happily over to Tsunade's desk. Naruto looked uncomfortable, and Sasuke looked rather content in the black robes he was wearing.

Tsunade sighed in relief and stood up, glancing at the clock on the wall.

"_okay. we've got three minutes until we leave. get your bags and come over here._" instructed Tsunade, grabbing a bag that was under her desk and slinging it over one shoulder.

the teens did as they were told. Kakashi put his book in his pocket and grabbed his bag and slung it over his own shoulder, standing up and turning so he was facing the desk also.

"_TonTon! come on! we're leaving!_" called Tsunade over Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke's heads. there was a moment's silence, then the sound of porky feet galloping as fast as they can toward the office.

soon enough, TonTon the piglet, in his pretty beads and vest galloped into the room and jumped into Tsunade's arms.

"_righty-o!_" chimed Tsunade, holding TonTon to her chest with one arm. "_everyone do as i do._" she said, placing a fingertip on the small glowing pyramid. Kakashi immediately did the same. the three teens were a little hesitant, but finally places a fingertip on the weird little glowing pyramid.

"_five... four... three... two..._" whispered Tsunade softly, watching the clock that was hanging on the wall.

"_... one._"

Naruto gasped as there was a jolt behind his belly-button, and then everything was nothing but a whirl of blurry colour. all he could see was the weird little pyramid, Sakura, Sasuke, Tsunade, Tonton and Kakashi. everyone's fingertips stuck to the weird little object.

'_i'm gonna be sick. i'm gonna be sick. i'm gonna be sick. i'm gonna be sick._' was the only thought in Naruto's mind as his face went a little green from all the whirling and noise and all the fucking weirdness of it.

then, as suddenly as it started, it stopped.

_WHAM_

"_itaaaaaai..._"

Naruto groaned and picked himself up. kneeling in soft green grass, he looked up at the others.

Sakura had fallen over and had refused to get up. Sasuke had landed gracefully next to Naruto, his legs bent which made him look like a frog, and Tsunade and Kakashi had both landed on one foot as though they merely hopped a few centimeters.

Naruto grumbled and stood up, brushing the dirt off his clothing and helped Sakura up. she looked rather shaken up and a little more green than he was.

"_what... the fuck happened...!_" asked Sakura shakily, staring at Tsunade and clinging to Naruto as though to make sure he's not moving around.

"_it's called a 'portkey'. these witches and wizards use them. to teleport themselves from one place to the other._" Tsunade said simply, looking around.

after a few moments, Sakura seemed to figure out that nothing else was spinning and finally calmed down.

"_this way!_" chimed Tsunade happily, walking in a seemingly random direction, and everyone followed.

fifteen minutes later, they had found themselves on the doorstep of a humungus castle, looking at a pair of impressive oak doors. Tsunade grinned at the four behind her and went to push open the doors when the doors seemingly opened by themselves.

everyone blinked.

there, standing infront of them, was an ancient-looking man, a long, silvery beard flowing down the front of his twilight-coloured robes, long fingers interlinked with each other in front of it.

"_welcome to hogwarts, Tsunade-hime._" said the man in a soft voice. Tsunade grinned and stepped forward, giving the man a hug which the elderly man gratefully returned.

"_everyone, this is Albus Dumbledore. the Headmaster of Hogwarts._" smiled Tsunade, stepping back from Dumbledore so that the teens and Kakashi could see.

Naruto raised an eyebrow. "_dude. that's one old fart._"

Sakura gasped and whacked Naruto hard on the head. "_he's the heammaster! it dosen't matter about his age! i bet he's really powerful!_" screamed Sakura, continuing to bash Naruto into a bloody pulp.

"i am very sorry, Headmaster! i'm very very very sorry!" Sakura said hastily, bowing deeply toward Dumbledore, of whom just chuckled.

"_no matter, my dear. no matter._" he said good-naturedly. "_why don't you all come in? the elves have made some fresh deserts._" Dumbledore said happily in their native language, no sign of an accent at all, stepping aside and letting everyone enter.

Sasuke leaned down and grabbed one of Naruto's arms, slinging it over his shoulder and dragging the battered blonde inside.

((TBC))


	3. headmaster, intros and sugar snakes

ten minuites later, all seven of them; Dumbledore, Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, Tsunade, kakashi and TonTon had been lead through the castle and were now sitting in comfy plush chairs in Dumbledore's office.

"_so, shall we start the introductions? oh, and Dumbledore, would you like us to speak in your native tongue?_" asked Tsunade, sitting in her chair with Tonton curled up in her lap.

"oh, that would be splendid." beamed Dumbledore, placing his hands on the desk and watching his guests happily over half-moon glasses, his eyes sparkling.

"well, you know me. and you know Kakashi, since he's going to be the next Defense against the Dark Arts teacher." said Tsunade, Dumbedore nodding. "well, how about introductions, Sasuke? Sakura? Naruto?" asked Tsunade, leaning back on her comfy chair and looking at the youngsters.

Naruto grinned and stood up. "i'm Uzumaki Naruto! or Naruto Uzumaki! whatever you wanna call me!" beamed the blonde. "i'm the number one loudest ninja and i'm going to be the Hokage some day! my favorite thing is ramen and training!" he squealed, grinning maniacally, then he flopped back down onto his comfy chair, one arm hanging lazily over the back.

Dumbledore chuckled and looked over at the pink-heared girl.

Sakura stood up and bowed respectfully to Dumbledore. "my name is Sakura Haruno. i am rather smart, if i do say so myself, and i love learning. thank you professor for letting us stay and i hope i can learn many things from the teachers and you, yourself." she straitened up and smiled brightly, sitting down gracefully onto her chair.

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled and he smiled, nodding at Sakura, then he looked over at the boy who had blue-black hair which seemed to defy gravity.

"... Sasuke Uchiha." Sasuke said simply. he wasn't much for introductions anyway. he sunk a little further back into his fluffy chair and kept his arms crossed against his chest, his eyes dragging over the portraits behind the headmaster.

Dumbledore nodded.

"bweh!" Tonton added.

Dumbledore chuckled and leant over, scratching Tonton lightly behind the ear.

"well, since the formalities are out of the way, how about some candy?" Dumbldore asked happily, sitting back in his chair. at that time, a tray of sweets appeared on the desk.

Sakura shook her head. "no, thank you, professor. i'm on a diet." she said simply, looking curiously at the bowl of brightly coloured tiny snakes that were slithering around the bowl.

"ooOoo! i'll have one!" squealed Naruto, grabbing a handful of the snakes and biting one of the heads off, then slurping it up like it was a noodle.

Sasuke gave the bowl of lolly-snakes a curious look and he leant over, taking one of the snakes and looking at it. the snake was brightly coloured and had what looked like sugar crystals instead of scales, it's body a pure white but slightly transparent. it's eyes were an intoxicating emerald colour and it's tongue was purple.

"... interesting." Sasuke said simply as the snake slithered in figure-eights around his fingers.

"aren't they? they're called Sugar Snakes." grinned Dumbledore, taking one for himself, watching Naruto scoff down his third handful.

"gaaaahhhh! they wriggle in your tummy!" squealed Naruto, squirming in his seat, rubbing his stomach. "it tickles!" he squeaked, continuing to rub his tummy.

Dumbedore chuckled and slurped up a Sugar Snake.

((TBC, and the 'sugar snakes' are from my knowlage, my own creation.))


	4. the skeleton horses and sorting

nearly a week had passed. team seven had explored every nook and cranny of Hogwarts and Naruto had made very good friends with Peeves the Poltergeist. Sakura had helped the librarian with sorting out all the books, and Sasuke had found something interesting in the Forbidden Forest.

"what do you mean 'creepy horses'?" asked Naruto as they wandered toward the forbidden forest, the weekend before school was supposed to start. the sun hanging over the horizon.

"they're... skeletons... weird, black, winged, reptile, horse skeletons..." said Sasuke softly, walking into the forbidden forest with his two teammates following behind him.

Naruto and Sasuke had trained in the forbidden forest numerous times. but Sakura had refused to set foot in there... but this time, she had been forced to come by her curiosity.

Sasuke walked into a small clearing and looked around. this was the place that he saw the horses last night... why weren't they here now?

Naruto looked around too, Sakura holding onto his arm tightly.

Sasuke rubbed a large gash on his shoulder that he had accidentally made in himself last night and sighed, the dry, crusted blood chipping underneath his fingers, the cloth covering it, ripped.

something bumped against his shoulder and Sasuke growled, exasperated. sasuke turned around to punch naruto for touching him, but what met him was a black muzzle.

Sasuke looked up and saw it was one of the skeleton horses. the horse nudged the cut in his shoulder and sasuke flinched as he felt a tongue brush against the tender flesh.

"oi. sasuke! is that the thing you were talking about?" Naruto asked, pointing at the horse that was nibbling at sasuke's shoulder.

Sasuke nodded and lightly pushed the horse's mouth away from his shoulder and placed a hand over it so the horse wouldn't try eating him or something.

"what thing?"

Sasuke and Naruto both looked at Sakura.

"what thing?" Sakura repeated, looking at Sasuke and Naruto. dumbfounded.

"this thing!" sasuke said, poking the horse lightly in the bony forhead.

"sasuke-kun! stop it! i don't like this game. i know there isn't anything there, so stop it!" shouted Sakura.

Naruto and Sasuke's jaw's dropped.

"you... can't see it...?" breathed Naruto.

"see what! there's nothing there!" yelled Sakura, glaring at the blonde beside her.

"sakura... there is. it's a black horse..." said Sasuke softly, leading the horse over to Sakura and taking sakura's hand and making one of her fingers touch the soft muzzle of the horse.

Sakura screamed and stumbled back, yanking her hand away from Sasuke's grip.

"WHAT THE HELL!" she screamed, staring at the two boys infront of her and where the horse was, even though she couldn't see it.

Naruto and Sasuke looked at eachother for a moment, then looked at the horse.

"... we should go back. dinner will be ready soon." Naruto said, stroking the horse's bony forhead softly, the horse moving a little closer and nuzzling naruto.

Sasuke nodded and helped sakura up. Naruto put a nice orange bow in the horse's mane and waved goodbye to it. the horse seemed happy about it's present and beat it's wings lightly in thanks and goodbye.

Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke left the Forbidden Forest silently as it started to get dark. they didn't speak as they ate dinner that night. their minds were just too full with the information about the invisible/visible horses.

Professer McGonagall glided over to them after they had finished, looking down upon them like a hawk.

the three of them looked up at her.

"it's time for you three to be sorted."

((TBC))


	5. arguments

Naruto blinked. Sasuke raised an eyebrow and Sakura looked confused.

"but... professer, sorting only happens when you're going to become a student of the school. and it usually happens in the first year." Sakura said, blinking up at McGonagall.

"didn't Tsunade tell you?" asked McGonagall. "well, you're going to be students of this school." she said, not waiting for an answer.

all three of them jawdropped.

in three point seven seconds, McGonagall was now alone in the great hall, Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke having run off to see if they having to be students of hogwarts was actually true.

"yes. i told you you would be exchange students." Tsunade said, brushing her hair in front of the mirror in her room.

her room was beautiful. silvery-gold draping curtains, silver-gold four-poster bouble-bed.. as i said. just beautiful.

"NO YOU DIDN'T!" roared Naruto, clutching his untamed hair.

"yes she did, actually." Said Sakura, scratching her head and sweatdropping as she remembered.

Naruto growled and waved his arms around. "HOW THE FUCK DO WE USE THOSE STUPID STICKS TO FIGHT, ANYWAY!" he shrieked, pointing toward a small wand lying on Tsunade's bedside table.

"it's called a 'wand' gaki. and you guys don't need them. i reasoned with Dumbledore, and he said he's explain to the rest of the school that your 'magic' is different to theirs." Tsunade said simply, running her fingers though her hair.

"BUT--"

"what is this 'sorting' that McGonagall was talking about?" Sasuke asked, cutting Naruto off.

"oh, it's where you put on a talking hat, then he tells you which school house you should be in." said Sakura proudly. Tsunade putting her hair in her usual style, nodding.

at that moment, McGonagall had glided into the room. "shall we?" she asked in a stiff tone.

Tsunade nodded, grabbing a still-fuming Naruto by the wrist and dragging him out the door.

McGonagall motioned for Sakura and Sasuke to follow and they did.

"_naa Sasuke-kun. which house do you think you'll be in?_" whispered Sakura, looking over at the stoic nin beside her.

Sasuke shrugged. he had never thought about it before...

they entered Dumbledore's office, in which Dumbledore and Kakashi were in, with a large tatty hat sitting on the desk.

Naruto walked over and poked the hat.

"oi. watch it kid." said the hat shortly.

Sakura blinked. Sasuke raised his eyebrows and Naruto practically screamed in horror.

Kakashi patted Naruto lightly on the head. the fox was currently hiding behind him.

"so, who should we start with?" asked Dumbledore happily.

Sakura grinned and raised her hand. "i'll go first, professer!" she sqeaked happily.

Dumbledore grinned and nodded.

McGonagall led her over and placed her on a stool in front of Dumbledore's desk, then placed the talking hat onto her head.

((TBC))


	6. two minds

Sakura closed her eyes tightly and waited for the hat to talk.

"... hhhnn... difficult... spirit is pure... quite a lot of knowledge in here... hmmm... i'd say..." there was a pause. "Ravenclaw!" roared the hat.

Sakura's eyes snapped open and she grinned at Naruto and Sasuke.

McGonagall removed the hat from Sakura's head and ushered her away. "who's next?" she asked simply.

Naruto looked at Sasuke. Sasuke looked at Naruto.

". . ."

a minute passed.

"oh just DO IT ALREADY!" shrieked Sakura, shoving Naruto toward the stool.

Naruto stumbled and nearly fell onto McGonagall.

"GAH! GOMEN!" he squeaked, sitting on the stool.

McGonagall have him a small glare and placed the sorting hat onto his head.

Naruto frowned as the hat was placed onto his head, sighing loudly and slouching on his stool.

"hmmm... confusing... a little confusing..." came the voice of the hat.

Naruto looked up at the drooping brim of the hat, which was the only part of it that he could see. "what's confusing?" he asked moodily.

"you've got two minds in here."

Naruto's eyes widened.

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. Sakura blinked. Kakashi and Tsunade glanced at each other. Dumbledore raised his eyebrows and McGonagall frowned a little.

"hmmm... which one am i supposed to be sorting...? hmmm...?" asked the sorting hat.

Naruto immediately snapped his eyes over to Tsunade and Kakashi. almost pleading for their help.

"just sort his mind. not the others'." Tsunade said sternly.

there were a few moments of silence. "... very well..." said the hat. "griffindor!" the sorting hat roared.

Naruto sighed in relief when the hat was removed from his head and he quickly walked over to Tsunade, standing beside her and squeezing her hand ever so slightly with his, thanking her for the close call.

"_thanks, Tsunade-o-baa-chan._" whispered Naruto.

"_no prob, gaki._" Tsunade whispered back, squeezing his hand a little, smiling.

"are you sure?" questioned the hat, turning to look at Tsunade and Naruto.

Naruto tightened his grip on Tsuade's hand.

"he could be great if i sorted him by the other mind. the other mind was great. it would've gone in slitherin. and--"

"you have sorted him already. he is to be in griffindor. you sorted his mind. not the other one. you are not to speak about what you saw in that other mind on any circumstances." Tsunade said sternly.

the hat looked over to Dumbledore who nodded.

McGonagall motioned for Sasuke to sit on the stool and the emo-nin sighed, sitting on the stool silently.

McGonagall went to put the hat on Sasukes head, the hat nearly touching his raven-like hair then suddenly...

"SLITHERIN" roared the hat, making everyone blink.

Sasuke slipped off the stool and walked over to where he was standing before.

McGonagall placed the hat on the shelf and looked over to Dumbledore who had just started talking.

"okay. the school year will be starting in two days. there will be certain preparations, and first impressions are everything..." explained Dumbledore, his eyes sparkeling with excitement.

((TBC))


	7. Harry meets the whitehaired man

Harry wandered through the corridor of the Hogwarts Express, dragging his trunk and Hedwig's cage along behind him. god. everyone was staring at him and there were hardly any cabins left. damn it. damn it. _damn it. can't a 16-year-old have a cabin to himself for once!_

Harry got to the last cabin and saw there was only one occupant. a man with long, white, spiky hair writing in a notebook in what looked like Japanese. Harry looked around on the spot and noticed there was nowhere else to go. he sighed, sliding the compartment door open and looking at the man.

the man looked up and harry blinked.

the man had one red line going down from each eye down to his chin. he looked a little old. around... 30s maybe? he seemed to give off the air of someone much older, but he looked hardly older than 35. the man was wearing a seemingly expensive suit which was around a size too big for him. harry guessed he was wearing that because he preferred loose clothing and suits made him feel uncomfortable. he had fingerless black leather gloves on each hand and weird, red, wooden asian sandals on his feet.

the man looked harry over once, then went back to writing in the notebook. Harry glanced down the corridor. Hermione and Ron won't be back for a while. they have to do their Prefect duties. and Ginny is trying to find Nevil... oh well. might as well find a seat.

"excuse me...?" Harry said slowly.

"yes...?" asked the man, not looking up from his notebook. Harry was surprised. the man was writing in japanese, but he could speak english without so much as an accent.

"can i sit here?" asked harry, pointing to the seat on the opposite side of the compartment to the man.

the man looked up from his notebook and nodded. Harry smiled and turned, struggling to drag his trunk into the compartment.

"here. let me." said the man, standing up.

Harry blinked and let go of his trunk. gaping as the man picked it up with one hand and stowing it on the rack above their heads with nothing as much as a grunt. even Hedwig seemed amazed.

Harry sat down on his seat and stared as the man sat back down on his seat casually, flipped his notebook closed and stowed it away in his pocket.

"how... how did you do that! the trunk weighed a ton!" gasped Harry.

the man chuckled and looked over at Harry. "lets just say, i'm used to it."

Harry sat there in that compartment to close to an hour, just watching the scenery outside flash past, occasionally looking at the man opposite him who was muttering in japanese, crossing out lines that were in a japanese book in front of him. from the picture on the cover and the big red "R" on it, Harry guessed it wasn't for children his age.

the compartment slid open and Harry looked up.

"Harry! there you are!" gasped a bushy haired girl by the name of Hermione. a red-headded freckled boy behind her by the name of Ron.

Harry smiled at his two friends and motioned for them to come inside. Hermione happily walked over and sat down next to the white-heaired man, but harry doubted that she knew he was there, and ron struggled to pick up his and Hermione's trunks and put them in the racks above their heads.

"let me do that." said the man, standing up. causing Hermione to squeak in surprise, proving Harry right.

Ron looked up at the man and gaped just like Harry did when the white-haired man picked up both trunks, Harry's owl's cage and Crookshanks' empty basket, with one hand all at the same time and stowing them in the rack, hardly even breaking a sweat of even groaning.

Hermione gaped. Ron gaped. Harry gaped even though he had seen it before. pig, Ron's owl shrieked loudly in surprise, and Crookshanks's eyes nearly popped out.

everyone stared at the white-haired man as he flopped back down onto his seat and started reading through his book again.

Ron and Hermione looked at Harry for an explanation. Harry just shrugged and sweatdropped.

Hermione took it upon herself to find out who this hulk of a man was... and she mean hulk. oh god, this man had _nice_ muscles...

"excuse me?" she asked.

the man raised his head, looking at Hermione. Hermione took a shaky breath which caused her chest to stick out a little more than necessary, causing the man and Ron to look at her breasts.

Harry saw a small string of drool in the corner of the man's mouth and couldn't help think that the book he had been reading was the cause of it.

"sir, i was wondering who you were. are you the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher?" questioned Hermione, looking at the man.

the man blinked a few times, then he burst out laughing.

"oh, god, no!" he chuckled, wiping a few tears of laughter from his eyes with a leather-gloved hand.

"then who are you?" asked Harry, leaning forward on his chair.

"oh. i'm Jiraiya. Dumbledore has asked me to be present for a while. i'm not the Defense against the Dark Arts teacher, though. but i know who it's going to be." smiled Jiraiya.

"oh? who? who?" asked Hermione, seeming rather excited.

"no one that you'd know." grinned Jiraiya, waving a dismissing hand.

all the way to Hogwarts, Hermione, Harry and Ron tried their best to get Jiraiya to tell them who would be the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, but he refused to tell. but they continued arguing with him until they got to Hogsmede station.

"see you kids at the feast!" Jiraiya called as they stepped onto the station. Jiraiya walking through the crowds, his white hair glimmering and almost glowing in the darkness.

"hmm... i wonder who really is the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher..." mused Ron, pushing past a first-year.

((TBC))


	8. melons, guests of honour and THAT book

Harry sighed and entered the great hall. the great hall looked like it always did. floating candles, enchanted ceiling, teachers sitting at the table along the front of the fall, four long tables for each house...

everyone sat at their correct houses and looked up to Dumbledore, who was chatting happily to Jiraiya, who was on his right. Harry raised his eyebrows as his eyes fell on the person on Dumbledore's left. it was a beautiful, young blonde woman... but there was something that stopped Harry looking at her face.

"Blimey! look at them melons!" gaped Ron. apparently, Ron's eyes were looking at exactly what Harry's were. the beautiful blonde woman had quite a chest. Harry had never seen a woman so beautiful... but then again, this woman had the air of a very very powerful woman... but who wouldn't be strong if they had to be able to walk around and not fall over forwards with those things!

"those have to have been magiced... they just have to been..." came Hermione's voice. she too was staring at the blond woman's breasts.

"magic boobs! hell yeah!" grinned Ron, his face a little pink.

Dumbledore stood and raised his hands, silence was immediate. all the second-years and up had filed into the hall and were now seated at their tables. Dumbledore sat back down and the large doors opened. revealing McGonagall and a group of terrified first-years.

the sorting finished in around half an hour. all the kids had been sorted and the sorting hat had been put away when Dumbledore stood again, raising his hands for silence.

"as some of you may have noticed, we have a few new faces..." he started, his voice calm, soothing, but being heard clearly all around the hall. there were a few murmurs from around the hall, but when Dumbledore raised his hands a little more, there was silence again.

"i have two guests of honor today, some exchange students and a new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher." Dumbledore beamed, lowering his hands, knowing he had everyone's attention.

"this-" Dumbledore raised his right hand, Jiraiya standing up, Dumbledore placing a hand on Jiraiya's shoulder. "--is my good friend Jiraiya-san. he has come quite far just to be with us. and this is--" dumbledore raised his left hand, the blonde woman with the nice chest standing up, Dumbledore taking her hand like a gentleman. "--is Tsunade-hime. another good friend. she also has come from afar to be with us." Dumbledore said, beaming to everyone. "they are very very powerful and famous people, i am sure you will be very nice and hospitable to them."

Tsunade smiled at all the young faces that looked back at her, not caring that most of them weren't staring at her face. Jiraiya looked around at all the young ladies, his brain clicking and he smiled at all the ladies, of whom giggled and blushed.

Tsunade leaned over and whispered in Dumbledore's ear. "naa Dumbledore... Jiraiya's a pervert... and Hogwarts is filled with underage and some of-age girls... i don't think Jiraiya and hogwarts are a very good pair..." she said concernedly into the Professors' ear.

Dumbledore chuckled as he heard Jiraiya sneeze. "there is nothing to worry about, my dear." Dumbldore whispered back to Tsunade. "i'll be keeping an eye on him. and maybe you should too."

Tsunade nodded.

"by the way, where's Tonton?" questioned the headmaster, looking around.

"oh, he's off exploring." grinned Tsunade.

Dumbledore grinned and looked back at the school before him and let Tsunade and Jiraiya sit down, Dumbledore still standing.

"well, you're all anxious to see who i have for you this year, i suspect?" beamed Dumbledore.

there was instant cheering.

Dumbledore grinned and raised his hands, the cheering being silenced immediately.

"this year, i have--" a man with silver hair and a bandage over one eye and a dark mask over most of his face who was sitting on Jiraiya's other side stood up. "--Kakashi Hatake. not very well known around here, but he is a legend in asia. i hope you will all learn something valuable from him. he has a lot to teach us all. including me." Dumbledore chuckled to himself, his eyes sparkeling as Kakashi sat back down and he observed the students below him.

Kakashi looked around at the kids, one elbow on the table, resting his chin against his hand. rather bored. his hand automatically went to his pocket and brought out a orange japanese book, glancing at Jiraiya, who beamed happily.

McGonagall, of whom was siting beside Kakashi gasped loudly at spotting the book, all attention now on her. "how dare you take that book out in public!" she gasped in hushed tones.

Kakashi shrugged. "it's not like any of these kids can understand japanese." Kakashi said in bored tones, not looking at McGonagall.

McGonnagal positively shrieked in horror as she saw an illustration on one of the pages Kakashi was flicking through. "HAND THAT DISGUSTING BOOK OVER!" she roared, launching herself at the book.

Kakashi seemed to flicker from view, then he was now standing on the back of the chair he was sitting on previously, continuing to flick through the pages, not seeming to have noticed that McGonagall was sprawled out on the table where Kakashi had been reading seconds before.

"Minerva! Kakashi!"

the two of them looked over at Dumbledore.

Dumbledore sighed, outstretching a hand to Kakashi, taking the book from him, bookmarking the page and placing it in his robes. McGonagall gave Kakashi a dirty look, stood up, straitened her robes and sat back down. kakashi sighed heavily and sat back down gracefully.

"... anyway" chimed Dumbledore, turning to the school, quite a few students snickering at McGonagall's sudden burst of outrage, Dumbledore beaming as though nothing happened. "we still have three more introductions to go until we can eat, so i am sure you all want me to get on with it." grinned Dumbledore. "well, mr Filch, if you please." said Dumbledore to mr Filch who pulled the large doors of the hall open.

Harry squinted at the open double doors and frowned. no one was there...

_BAM_

or was there...?

((TBC))


	9. blood red eyes and the first impression

Harry's eyes widened as just out the doorway was now consumed by purple smoke. there was muttering around him, but then he saw something move.

"holy shit..."

a huge purple snake had emerged from the smoke, slithering slowly down the hall toward Dumbledore. the snake had to be at least as big as the basilisk. the snake had three weird comma-marks on it's forehead, it's red eyes glinting in the candle light and it's black tongue flicking out of it's mouth occasionally.

_BANG_

there was purple smoke and it cleared second's later, a boy with black-blue raven-like hair was now standing on the snake's head. the snake stopped moving.

Harry frowned. the boy's hair seemed to defy gravity... but... there was a dangerous air about him...

Harry and quite a few others gasped when the boy looked around the room. his eyes were blood red. those eyes... they were the same colour as Voldemorts... Harry saw the boy's eyes fix on his. those eyes... they held the same anger as voldemort... the same hatred. the same...

_BANG_

the boy's eyes snapped from Harry's to the small cloud of smoke that had appeared behind his purple snake. the smoke cleared and the boy narrowed his eyes.

standing where the second cloud of smoke was, was a boy with _the_ MOST yellow hair harry had ever seen.

the boy grinned and waved at everyone. walking up the spine of the snake and walked up to the raven-haired boy.

"shall we?" grinned the blonde.

the raven haired boy smirked.

_BANG_

the snake disappeared in a puff of purple smoke and Harry watching awe as the blonde and the raven haired boy soared in opposite directions from each other, back-first, their eyes on each other.

the raven-haired boy's hands were blurred. it was as though he was making weird forms with his fingers.

"KATON GOKAKYUU NO JITSU" rung throughout the hall and harry's eyes snapped over to the raven haired boy just as balls of fire flew out of the boy's mouth and toward the blond.

there were screams, gasps and yells from the students below, but the two above them seemed as calm as they could be.

harry's eyes widened as the fire balls became closer and closer to the blond.

"HIS HAND IS GLOWING!" came a scream from a random student. Harry gasped. they were right.

his hand wasn't the thing that was glowing blue, it was an orb that was in his hand.

"RASENGAN!" roared the blond as the fire balls came deathly close, thrusting the glowing orb and his hand strait into the fire balls.

there were numerous screams from many people below.

time stood still.

_BAM_

"BLOODY HELL!" yelled Ron. the fire washed over the Blonde guy as through it was nothing but water, the glowing orb still in his hand.

"CHIDORI"

everyone's heads swiveled to the raven-haired boy as through they were watching a tennis match.

the hall was now filled with the sound of millions upon millions of chirping birds. Harry gasped in shock. it looked like the raven-haired boy's hand was being electrocuted. his hand was glowing and there were sparks and shards of lightning-like stuff going off everywhere.

the blond and the raven-haired boys seemed to change directions in mid-air, launching themselves at each other, thrusting their glowing hands at the boy opposite.

their hands touched.

everything stopped.

harry couldn't see anything. everything was white.

there was no sound. he could hear nothing.

the white light and silence faded away. the raven-haired boy had his hand clasped on the blond's. the sound the millions of chirping birds faded away.

the blond and the raven-haired boy were both just hovering there. in mid air.

soon, the glowing and chirping faded away. the blond and raven-haired boy merely hand-in-hand.

then they started to fall.

Hermione screamed. they'd die if they fell from that height!

_CRASH_

the floor shuddered as a cloud of dust burst up from the floor, a few meters away from where the blond and the raven-haired boy would land in mere seconds time.

a pink blur zoomed up, out of the hole in the floor and landed under where the two above the school would land.

harry saw it was a girl around his age. with shocking pink hair. she raised her arms horizontally out at her sides, looking at Dumbledore.

_thud_

with the most subtle thud in history, the blond and the raven-haired boy landed on her arms, their hands still linked with the others.

there was ringing silence as the boy's let go of each other's hands and turned to dumbledore, still standing on the girl's arms.

they all bowed deeply in unison, the girl still supporting the two boy's weight with ease, her arms still horizontally out at her sides.

the three of them straitened up and the girl dropped her arms, the two boys landing on the ground next to her with ease.

there was silence.

"THAT WAS BLOODY AWESOME" roared the weasely twins in unison, getting up on their chairs and applauding, point two seconds later, the whole school joined in, the applause and cheering almost deafening. even the teachers stood in their seats, applauding with everyone else.

the raven-haired boy smirked, looking around at all the people applauding, the pink-haired girl blushed and smiled, and the blond grinned like a maniac and waved frantically at everyone.

Dumbledore beamed and applauded with everyone else. the clapping, cheering and whistling slowly dying down.

"well then," grinned dumbledore after the cheering had died down completely after 5 minutes. "i would like you to meet; Naruto Uzumaki." the blond grinned and waved frantically. "Sakura Haruno" the pink haired girl smiled and waved coyly. "and Sasuke Uchiha." the boy with the raven-like hair raised a hand and lowered it, placing it in his pocket. "and i hope you all will be nice to them, because they are our exchange students." grinned Dumbldore. most of the school was completely and utterly flabbergasted.

Harry gaped and looked over at the weasely twins.

"bloody awesome." they said in unison, grinning and looking back over to Dumbledore.

"these three have got a different magical talent to us, so don't be surprised when they do wonderful things without a wand... anyway, we have sorted Sasuke, Naruto and Sakura into houses, so i really do hope you will treat them fairly. Sakura has been sorted into Ravenclaw--" the ravenclaw table roared with applause and Sakura timidly walked over to it, sitting down at it, a few people shaking her hands and grinning.

"--Sasuke has been sorted into Slytherin--" just about the whole table of slitherins roared in approval and harry noticed that Malfoy was not one of them. Sasuke moodily walked over to the slitherin table and sat down, ignoring people trying to shake his hand or girls swooning over him.

"--and Naruto has been sorted into--"

"please be griffindor. please be griffindor. please be griffindor." muttered Fred and George under their breaths.

"--GRIFFINDOR!" roared Dumbledore, beaming.

there was the loudest roar of approval from the griffindors, most of them jumping to their feet. Naruto grinned and ran over to the griffindor table, people ruffling his hair, shaking his hand and hugging him.

after everyone was seated again, dumbledore raised his hands.

"let the feast begin!" he roared, food appearing on the plated infront of everyone and there was a cheer, everyone digging into the food before them.

"hi! i'm fred! and he's george!"

Harry grinned. fred and george spared no time introducing themselves to Naruto.

Naruto, of whom grinned and shook their hands gratefully.

Harry looked over Naruto. he was wearing the normal hogwarts uniform, but there was something weird around his head.

"what's that?" asked george, asking Harry's question for him, pointing at the blue material with the thin metal slab covering Naruto's forehead.

"eh? oh! this!" grinned Naruto, tapping his thumbnail against the metal, slurping up some noodles.

Harry, Ron, Hermione, Fred and George nodded.

"oh, it's nothing. i was supposed to take it off this morning. i forgot." sweatdropped Naruto, untying it at the back and stuffing it in his pocket, his shocking yellow hair shimmering in the candle light and his untamed fringe casting his eyes a little into shadow.

"so, where ya from?" asked Ron, eating a pork chop.

"Asia." said Naruto simply, slurping up more noodles.

"where in asia?" asked Hermione, eating her mashed potatoes with uncanny grace.

Naruto thought for a moment, tapping his chopsticks on his nose. then shrugged.

Fred nearly snorted fried eggs. "you don't know where you live!" he asked, choking and laughing at the same time.

Naruto grinned and shrugged again.

the feast went on without a hitch, Naruto seemed to love to talk and the griffindor table had to get three re-fills of the huge cauldrons of ramen because Naruto ate them all.

"oi. dobe." came a voice behind Harry.

Harry looked over his shoulder to see that Sasuke guy behind him, looking at Naruto.

"yea? waddiya want, Sasu-teme?" Naruto asked, showing the weasely twins one of his tricks with a ramen noodle, one end of the noodle out of his nose, the other out of his mouth.

"..." Sasuke looked over ron, hermione, fred and george, his eyes were black again, for some weird reason. his eyes were cold and still filled with hatred. harry wouldn't be surprised if he just started talking in pastletongue.

"_... Tsunade-sama wants to have a talk to us about the mission._" Sasuke said, deciding that the english people around them didn't need to know about what they were speaking of.

Harry sighed and went back to eating. pastletongue. japanese. close enough.

Naruto nodded and snorted the ramen noodle down back into his mouth and swallowed it, causing the weasely twins to cheer.

"see you guys later." grinned Naruto, slipping out of his chair and walking over to he ravenclaw table to collect that Sakura girl.

((TBC))


	10. Potter Harry and be careful

Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke walked into Tsunade's room, and they noticed that it now had two large double beds instead of one. they were quite generously spaced and Naruto saw that Jiraiya was sitting on one and Tsunade on the other.

"_erro-sennin! why are you here!_" yelled Naruto, pointing an accusing finger at Jiraiya.

Jiraiya sighed heavilly. "_i told you not to call me that in public._" he said exasperatedly.

"_don't change the subject!_" Naruto roared.

Tsunade walked over and flicked naruto hard in the ear, causing him to scream in pain and writhe on the floor.

"_right. since you're all here, i want to talk to you all about the mission._" Tsunade said, sitting back down on her bed.

Sasuke's eyes sparkled with curiosity. Sakura blinked and Naruto sat up on the floor, holding his ear and rubbing tears of pain out of his eyes.

"_well, as you may or may not know, there is a famous kid in these walls. his name is Potter Harry._" Said Tsunade, dragging her eyes over the three teens in front of her.

Sasuke nodded. Sakura scratched her head and Naruto raised an eyebrow.

"_Mr. Potter seems to have a habit of getting himself into very troublesome situations. Dumbledore has asked me to ask you to keep an eye on Potter and make sure he doesn't get himself hurt... kinda like a body guard._ " continued Tsunade, Jiraiya glancing at them over his smutty book.

Naruto opened his mouth to say something but Tsunade cut him off.

"_i would like him not to know you are in fact his body guards. please do not act like you're trying to protect him. just look after him in the most subtle way possible._" said Tsunade, shifting slightly on her bed.

at that moment, Tonton waddled into the room and hopped onto Tsunade's lap.

"... Tsunade-sama... what does Potter Harry look like?" asked Sakura slowly.

Tsunade sighed, scratching TonTon behind the ear lightly. "_Naruto's seen him. he's got glasses, messy black hair and a scar on his forehead in the shape of a lightning bolt._" explained Tsunade.

"_oooooh!_" grinned Naruto.

"_... you said there would be some information-gathering..._" said Sasuke slowly, crossing his arms over his chest.

Tsunade nodded. "_just find out as much about a man called 'voldemort' as you can, but not so much you seem suspicious, got it? Kakashi, Jiraiya and I will be doing the same._"

the three teens nodded and turned for the door.

"_matte!_"

they turned around.

"_Gaki... come here a second. you two can go through._" Tsunade said, putting Tonton on the bed and standing up, motioning for Naruto to come over to her and Sasuke and Sakura to leave.

Sasuke and Sakura glanced at Naruto before walking out the door.

"_what is it, Tsunade-o-baa-ch--?_" Naruto asked, walking over to her, but before he could finish his sentence, Tsunade was hugging him softly.

"_... Tsunade-o-baa-chan...?_" Naruto blinked.

"_... be careful, Naruto..._" Tsunade breathed, kissing Naruto lightly on the cheek.

Jiraiya watched all this over his book and smirked. he never would have believed Tsunade treated Naruto as a little brother unless he saw it for himself. now he had, he still had trouble believing it.

Naruto felt his cheeks burn ever so slightly and he grinned.

"_i will, Hokage-sama._" beamed Naruto.

Tsunade smiled and let go of Naruto, letting him run to the door, wave and leave.

"_... i thought you didn't have any maternal instincts left in you..._" Jiraiya said softly, putting his book in his pocket and looking at Tsunade.

"_... it's all your fault... he looks... just like..._"

"_your little brother?_" Jiraiya finished her sentence for her, standing up.

Tsunade nodded, her shoulders shaking slightly.

"_... this place is so dangerous... i don't want... he might...!_" Tsunade struggled to use the words she dreaded, starting to shake a little worse.

"_shh... he'll be fine._" Jiraiya said softly, placing a hand on Tsunade's shoulder, trying to soothe her fears.

Tsunade turned around and wrapped her arms around Jiraiya, sobbing softly into his neck.

Jiraiya smiled, patting Tsunade on the back, shifting a little against her boobs. man they felt nice! nicer than Jiraiya would've guessed.

"_pinch my boobs and i'll kill you..._" Tsunade said softly, her arms still around Jiraiya.

"_... yeah._" Jiraiya sweatdropped.

((TBC))


	11. boyfriend, Sasuke, gay?

Naruto bounded into the great hall the morning after the great feast, grinning, bubbly, mischievous. all as per usual.

it was in the early hours of the morning. 7am to be exact. hardly anyone was awake.

"_oi! Naruto!_" Sakura called at him from the Hufflepuff table, sitting opposite Sasuke, only a few early risers sitting in the great hall.

Naruto grinned and bounded over, sitting beside Sasuke.

"_so, what did you find out from that Potter kid?_" questioned Sasuke, poking the dumplings on his breakfast plate with his chopsticks.

"_... errrr..._"

both Sasuke and Sakura looked at Naruto.

"_i... umm... well..._" stuttered Naruto, sweating visibly.

Sasuke sighed exasperatedly and Sakura hit her forehead with her hand.

"_you did find out something, didn't you!_" shrieked sakura, standing up in her seat.

"_i found out he likes saying the word 'Cedric' while he's sleeping!_" Naruto said hurredly, raising his hands to shield himself if Sakura tries to attack him.

"'_Cedric_'?" questioned Sakura and Sasuke in unison, staring at Naruto as though he had just sprouted a foot out of his forhead.

"_yeah! yeah! he's all 'he's going to kill cedric! don't let him kill cedric! dad! help me!'_" Naruto mimicked, waving his hands around.

"_... who's Cedric?_" wondered Sakura, sitting back down.

"_probably his boyfriend. he seems gay to me._" Sasuke said casually, going back to poking his dumplings.

"_ooohhh...?_" asked Naruto, a mischievous grin worthy of Peeves creeping up on his face. "_and how would you know that, Sasu-teme? are you gay too?_"

Sakura gasped and clasped her hands over her mouth. '_Sasuke-kun! gay! ... that would explain why he never looks at girls--WAIT! NO! sasuke-kun isn't gay! he can't be!_'

Sasuke slowly turned to Naruto who was grinning like a lunatic.

"_... don't get your hopes up, dobe._"

Naruto glared at Sasuke and got up on his seat, taking in a deep breath, raising his face so it is facing the ceiling.

Sakura stared. it looked like Naruto was going to expl--

"SASUKE UCHIHA IS GAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY!" screamed Naruto, his voice echoing around every single room, corner and crevice of Hogwarts.

"SASUKE IS GAA---AAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Naruto screamed, launching himself off the chair and sprinting out of the hall, a fuming Sasuke hot on his heels.

((TBC))


	12. death wish, homosexual, topless kakashi

Ron, Harry and Hermione had decided to come down to breakfast early this morning and were dawdling down the enchanted stairs when they heard it.

"SASUKE UCHIHA IS GAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY!"

Ron, Harry and Hermione stared at each other.

"that sounded like Naru--" stared Hermione, but she was cut off by another scream.

"SASUKE IS GAA---AAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

Hermione, Ron and Harry's eyes snapped over to the double oak doors just at that moment when they burst open and Naruto came sprinting out of them.

"GANG WAY!" Naruto shouted, waving his arms frantically.

Harry, Ron and Hermione jumped out of the way just as he zoomed in between them.

"SASUKE-KUN! STOP!"

Harry, Hermione and Ron saw a positively fuming Sasuke zoom past them in a blur.

"SASUKE IS GAAAAAAYYYY!" shouted Naruto to the school again, laughing like a lunatic, only just keeping out of reach of Sasuke as he ran.

"does that dude have a death-wish?" gaped Ron, watching Naruto and Sasuke run up the stairs so fast he could only see a blond blur and a black blur.

"he always does!" sighed Sakura exasperatedly, helping Hermione to her feet.

the four of them watched Naruto and Sasuke do three rounds of the stairs until Naruto decided to make a quick escape.

the ran down the last set of stairs, closest to the oak doors which lead out to the grounds.

"OH NO YOU DON'T." roared Sasuke, jumping off the last few steps and launching himself at Naruto.

_THUD_

"AAAHHHH! HELP MEEEE! RAMPAGING HOMOSEXUAL! HE'S GONNA RAPE MEEEEE! HAAAAAALPPPP!" screamed Naruto, kicking and screaming as Sasuke started bashing the shit out of him.

five minutes later, Naruto was still screaming, Sasuke was still punching, nearly the whole school was watching, and no teachers had so much as arrived to figure out what all the noise is about or tell them to stop... yet.

"ENOUGH" roared a strong female voice.

everyone froze, including Naruto and Sasuke.

the crowd parted and Tsunade was standing there in her usual attire, though her hair was a little messy, no doubt, she just woke up and had to throw her clothes on really quickly, Tonton on her shoulder and Jiraiya looking over her other shoulder.

Naruto and sasuke looked at her, looked at each other, then looked back at her again.

Tsunade walked through the crowd and she stood over the two boys.

Sasuke had a bleeding lip and looked rather miffed. Naruto had a blood lip and quite a few bruises.

"what the hell happened!" she growled, tonton oinking in approval.

Sasuke kept silent, a hand tightening around Naruto's throat.

Naruto squirmed, unsure wether to tell Tsunade or not.

'_if i tell her, Sasu-teme will kill me... if i don't... she'll leave and Sasu-teme will kill me... urgh!_' growled Naruto in his head.

"i..." Naruto started, Sasuke's eyes snapping over, silencing him.

Tsunade looked at them both for a second, then growled exasperatedly, yanking both of them to their feet, pulling them apart and glaring at each of them in turn, a firm grip on the backs of their necks.

"well!"

"... i yelled that Sasuke is gay to the whole school and he attacked me." Naruto said simply, Sasuke immediately twitching and clenching his fists.

there was a round of snickering around the audience, but as soon Sasuke turned to them, his eyes bloodthirsty and filled with malice, there was immediate silence.

Tsunade yanked Sasuke's head so he was facing the way he was before.

"... you... called Sasuke gay...?" Tsunade asked slowly, pursing her lips slightly to stop herself smiling.

Naruto nodded. Sasuke glared. Tonton oinked and Jiraiya started making notes in his trusty notebook. next edition of itcha itcha paradise has a gay couple, perhaps...?

Tsunade kept her grip on the two boy's necks and looked around for pink.

'_pink... pink... pink... pin--oh. there's sakura!_'

"OI. Sakura. get over here." called Tsunade to the pink shock of hair in the crowd.

Sakura made her way through the crowd and stood at the edge, looking at Tsunade. "yes...?"

"did Naruto really call Sasuke a homo?" Tsunade asked bluntly, causing Sasuke to shudder, Naruto to stuff his knuckles in his mouth to stop himself laughing and another round of snickers to begin around the audience.

"... yeah, Naruto did." Sakura nodded.

"aww, Sakura-chaaan! you're supposed to stick up for me!" whined Naruto, earning himself a glare from Sasuke.

"whazz goinnon?" came a drowsy voice behind Tsunade.

Ginny weasely, of whom had been watching the whole thing, looked over Tsunade's shoulder to see Kakashi... only in a pair of black pants. he had his mask on, the same with the bandages over his eye... but dude... he was topless.

there were a few swoons from some of the girls who were in the audience, and one girl fainted.

Tsunade turned to Kakashi and blinked.

"what's going on?" Kakashi repeated, rubbing his uncovered eye.

"Naruto called Sasuke gay and Sasuke decided to kill him" Jiraiya said simply, still writing in his notebook.

"aah..." nodded Kakashi, walking over and reading Jiraiya's notes over his shoulder.

Tsunade sighed softly and looked at the two teens in front of her.

"right. detention for you both."

instant explosion.

"WHAT! I DIDN'T DO A THING, TSUNADE-O-BAA-CHAN!"

"IT'S ALL HIS FAULT! NOT MINE!"

"SILENCE!" roared Tsunade, tightening her grip on the backs of Naruto and sasuke's necks, blood dribbling down their necks.

". . ."

"good. detention. tonight. and, no. i don't care if it's the first day of term." Tsunade said shortly, shoving the two away from her and wiping the small amount of both the boy's blood off her fingers onto her shirt.

Naruto growled and rubbled his neck, Sasuke just standing there and glaring icily at Naruto.

"well, everyone!" called Kakashi, raising his arms to get everyone's attention. "time for you all to get some breakfast, get ready for your new lessons and--"

"if you're going to be in one of Kakashi-sensei's classes, don't expect him to be early." grinned Naruto.

Kakashi gave Naruto a look tinted with annoyance, then sighed heavily, jabbing a thumb at naruto, looking back at the audience of school students before him. "yeah. what he said."

((TBC))


	13. never comes early always late

Harry, Hermione and Ron wandered into the great hall, discussing what they had just witnessed, dodging in between the crowd of students filing into the hall from watching the fight between Naruto and Sasuke.

"Sasuke and Naruto are rather good when it comes to muggle-dueling, doncha think?" asked ron as he sat down at the griffindor table, pulling up a plate of scrambled eggs and ham.

Hermione nodded, sitting opposite ron and pulling up a bowl of cereal. "it's rather odd, don't you think? Dumbledore said these people have different magical powers, and yet, they use muggle-dueling..."

Harry nodded, grabbing some scrambled eggs and ham, sitting next to ron.

McGonagall glided in between the tables, handing out school timetables.

Hermione took harry's, ron's, and her own timetables and compared them. "oooh! we've got defense against the dark arts first up!" she squealed, handing harry and ron their timetables.

Harry skimmed his eyes down the list. "and no potions. this is the best school day ever." he grinned.

and so, after they had had their breakfast and it was a few minutes until the lesson started, they wandered over to the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom to see the slytherins already there, waiting, and also the rest of griffindor group.

Naruto was also standing at the door, glowering at Sasuke, of whom was standing there too.

Hermione looked at her watch ten minuites later, looking around the group of slytherins and griffindors. "class was supposed to start 15 minutes ago... where's professor Hatake?" hermione wondered aloud.

there was a small scoff from Sasuke and Harry turned to him. "what?" harry asked shortly. harry doubted that he and Sasuke would get along well.

"Kakashi never comes early. he always comes late." Sasuke said simply, shrugging.

"why is that! a teacher is supposed to set an example!" shrieked Hermione, clutching her frizzy hair in horror.

"'example'? he dosen't know the meaning of the word." shrugged Naruto.

"actually, i do." came a voice behind Hermione, causing her to squeak in surprise.

everyone whipped around to see Kakashi standing in the hall, smiling behind his mask and waving.

"YOU'RE LATE" roared naruto, pointing an accusing finger at Kakashi.

"well--- you see-- there was this old lady who needed help crossing the stree--"

"you've used that one already." Sasuke said simply.

"i have?" blinked kakashi, scratching his head.

Naruto and sasuke nodded.

"oh... well... lets get on with it, shall we?" sweatdropped Kakashi, walking through the small crowd of students and pushing the doors open.

"oh... my god..." gaped Harry.

((TBC))


	14. talking dogs and Naruto reads THAT book

the whole defense against the dark arts class except kakashi, Naruto and Sasuke were frozen in the doorway. Naruto, Sasuke and Kakashi had walked into the room without a care, but the rest of the class were stunned speechless.

the classroom had been re-done completely. you'd never think it used to belong to mad-eye moody or any of the others. it was completely and utterly different!

there were sharp weapons strapped all along the walls, there were occasional books scattered on cupboards and bookcases, there was a huge japanese poster of a woman kicking a man holding a bunch of flowers in the face, numerous dogs and puppies waddling around the room and a huge mastiff cross bullterrier sitting on Kakashi's desk.

"stop gaping, kids. just sit down and we can get on with it." Kakashi said, sitting on the edge of his desk next to the mastiff cross, waving his arms to get everyone's attention, Naruto and sasuke already sitting at their desks.

there was slight hesitation, but everyone finally stepped into the room and took their seats.

as soon as harry took his seat in between ron and hermione, a pug-like dog hopped onto the desk and lay down, looking at Harry with lazy eyes.

"awww... he's kinda cute." smiled hermione, looking at the pug.

"oi. girlie. don't call me cute." said the pug in a gruff voice.

Hermione let out a shriek of horror, jumped to her feet and fell over backwards. Harry and on were just about the same, but they were still sitting at their seats, staring at the pug, their eyes nearly popping out.

"oh! i'm sorry!" sweatdropped Kakashi, walking over and helping Hermione back to her feet. "i'm sorry everyone! all these dogs can talk! i should've told you earlier." grinned kakashi goofily, helping a shaking hermione back into her chair.

Kakashi picked up the pug and set him on the windowsil, the pug lying own and dragging it's bored eyes over all the students.

"right. well, you all know my name, i'm Kakashi Hatake." the professor started, standing in the front of the class, taking out the book that dumbledore took from him at the feast, flicking through the pages. "i'm here to be your next defense against the dark arts teacher." Kakashi continued, finding his page and stretching the book's covers ever so slightly so it will stay at that page.

Seamus Finnigan raised his hand.

"yes...? umm... what's your name?" asked Kakashi, looking over at seamus.

"Seamus Finnigan, Professor. i was wondering, what's that book about?" he asked, pointing to the book Kakashi was reading.

Kakashi's eyebrows raised under the bandage and he looked around the class with his uncovered eye, the whole class seemed to be wondering the same question as Seamus, except Sasuke and Naruto, of whom were looking away, their cheeks tinted light pink.

"errrm..." started Kakashi, wondering if he should tell them.

Kakashi's eyes fell on naruto and he grinned under his mask. "i'll let naruto read one of the pages to you!" kakashi grinned, seeing Naruto gape at him and turn beet red.

Naruto slowly stood up and walked over to kakashi, taking the book and looking at one of the pages, his face going redder than ron's hair. "uuuummmm..."

Sasuke snickered.

"URUSAI, TEME!" naruto yelled at Sasuke, his cheeks burning. sasuke merely shrugged and smirked.

"o... okay..." Naruto started reading out one of the pages, but to the classes dismay, he was reading it out in japanese. they were all bursting in curiosity.

Naruto finally finished the page, his face redder than any tomato in existence.

"you were reading it in japanese, dobe. you have to read it again in english now." smirked Sasuke, his cheeks a little pinker than before.

Naruto gaped and looked up at Kakashi, of whom was beaming happily, a tint of pink on his cheeks.

Naruto whimpered and took a deep breath and read from the book in english this time.

((TBC))


	15. blush, mudblood, pureblood and that guy

four minutes later, the whole class was beet red, one of the guys had fainted from a nose bleed, many of the girls had passed out from embarrassment, all the dogs had either their paws stuffed in their ears or had run from the room with their tails in between their legs, hermione was reading from one of her books, trying to pretend she was not hearing what she was hearing, and Nevil seemed to be taking notes.

"'Yuka leant back, feeling Kasu push into her, biting her lip to suppress the heart felt moan that purred in her throat...'" Naruto read aloud the last line and shoved the book into Kakashi's arms, ran to his desk, scooting into his chair and holding his face in his hands.

"well!" Kakashi said cheerfully, his cheeks rather pink. "now you know what this book is about, any more questions?"

there was muttering around the class, then ron raised his hand, his face nearly redder than his hair.

"who the fuck writes that shit!" he asked, his voice a little higher than usual.

there were quite a few nods of agreement from the boys around the class.

"oh, you've all seen him. Jiraiya-sama writes them!" beamed Kakashi under his mask, waving the book.

the bell rang loudly around the school and Kakashi sighed.

"whoops! went little over-time... oh well. we can start doing some actual work next lesson." said Kakashi happily, motioning everyone to leave.

everyone left, some people picking up their unconscious classmates and so-on.

Harry left the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom with Ron and Hermione, all of them having very red faces.

"... so... what kind of homework do you think he'll set?" grinned Ron goofily, earning himself a whack on the head from hermione.

"that lesson was pathetic. wait until my father hears about this..." came the voice of Draco.

Harry looked to his left to see Draco and his two drones; Crabbe and Goyle.

"leave professer Hatake alone. this is his first day!" yelled Hermione, glowering at Draco.

"oh? in lessons, you're supposed to learn things. what did you learn, Granger? that you'll never get a boyfriend?" said Draco, his voice venomous.

Hermione was silent, she opened her mouth and closed it, her lip trembling ever so slightly.

"that's pathetic, Malfoy..." came a soft growl.

Draco whipped around to see Sasuke standing behind him.

"what is! telling the truth!" draco spat, glaring at Sasuke.

Sasuke's eyes became cold, easily beating down Draco's glare without even trying. "picking on weaklings." sasuke breathed softly.

"are you calling hermione weak!" roared Ron, clutching his fists.

Sasuke's icy eyes fixed onto ron's. "maybe i am." he said simply, snapping his gaze back to Draco. "but then again, so is this." Sasuke breathed, flicking a finger at Draco.

Harry rose his eyebrows as he saw Draco's face contort in anger. three words, and Sasuke had made Draco's blood boil. who was that guy!

"take that back..." growled Draco, slowly moving his hand to the pocket of his robes.

"TAKE IT BACK. I AM A PURE BLOOD. NEVER COMPARE ME TO A MUDBLOOD!" roared Draco, about to whip out his wand and curse Sasuke to oblivion, but found a knife at his neck. freezing, Draco stared at Sasuke.

everyone's eyes widened as they saw Sasuke caress the knife's cold steel blade against Draco's pale neck.

"oh...? why not? your bloodline has nothing to do with power. you have to seek out power yourself." breathed Sasuke, trailing the tip of the blade along Draco's jaw line. "you are pathetic. you're a sniveling... weasel." sasuke said with so much venom, harry was surprised he could talk at all.

Sasuke seemed to be pained in saying the word 'weasel' but Draco shrugged it off, glaring at sasuke. "heh. you can't kill me. we're at school. and i bet you haven't killed someone in your life." Draco said confidently, smirking.

to his surprise, Sasuke started chuckling hollowly, causing Draco's smirk to melt off his face.

"we're in _your_ school... and, by the way..." Sasuke leaned in, the tip of the blade still at Draco's neck, his lips inches away from Draco's ear. "... i've killed more people than you can count on both hands and feet." Sasuke said in a loud whisper so harry, Hermione, Ron, Crabbe and Goyle could all hear it.

everyone's eyes were wide when Sasuke moved away from Draco, putting the knife back into his pocket and walking away.

'_he's... killed someone before... he's killed... over 20 people before...! he can't be human!_' harry said in his thoughts, panicked, his mind reeling.

"l... lets get out of here!" gasped Hermione, grabbing Ron's and Harry's wrists, dragging them to their next lesson.

((TBC))


	16. blood red, chidori, cold, staining

it was lunch, Harry, Ron and Hermione were eating come toast, soup and some pork.

"THAT'S IT, UCHIHA." came a roar that nearly rattled the hall.

Harry ducked just in time as a rebound of a curse whizzed over his head, ruffling his hair. harry could've sworn he could smell and hear his hair being singed.

Harry poked his head above the table and stared.

there, standing on the slytherin table, in a reasonably-packed great hall, were Draco and Sasuke.

Hermione gasped and ran over to the slytherin table with Ron. "get down, Malfoy! you're making a scene! and you're not supposed to stand on furniture!" shouted Hermione, standing at the edge of the table.

Malfoy took no notice, his wand was pointing strait at sasuke's heart. Sasuke was standing silently his eyes on draco's silver ones, not moving or even seeming to breathe.

"SASUKE-KUN" shrieked Sakura, running up next to Hermione and ron, Naruto next to her.

Sasuke closed his eyes, still facing Draco.

"how DARE YOU IGNORE ME!" roared Draco, raising his wand.

"sharingan!" Sasuke's eyes snapped open and fixed themselves on Draco's.

Hermione gasped. Draco froze. a girl fainted.

Sasuke's eyes were blood red.

Harry rose in his seat, standing up, staring at Sasuke's blood-red eyes. they were different from Voldemorts... they had three comma-like marks in each eye, encircling the pupil, but they still had the same hatred. the same loathing. the same loneliness.

Sasuke's hands were now blurred. he was making those weird hand-movements again. Draco watched Sasuke's hands, his wand still raised.

"CHIDORI" roared Sasuke, his hand becoming electrocuted like it did when they first revealed themselves to the students, the chirping of the millions upon millions of birds starting all over again.

before either Naruto or Sakura or anyone else for that matter, could react, there was a sickening noise of an electrocuted-substance going through flesh and bone.

everyone froze and stared.

Sasuke had thrusted his glowing arm through Draco's chest.

"g...n... ghack!" choked Draco, dropping his wand, staring at Sasuke who was standing in front of him, his arm through Draco's chest. Draco felt numb, he moved his tongue along his lips and tasted blood. he looked down and saw Sasuke's arm, only his elbow, though... he shifted ever so slightly and felt sasuke's arm had gone strait through him.

Draco gripped Sasuke's arm above the elbow to stop himself falling over. why was everything going black and cold...?

"draco!" someone called Draco's name but he couldn't see who. the voice was echoing all around him. all he could see were Sasuke's red and gleaming eyes.

"DRACO MALFOY. SASUKE UCHIHA. WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!" roared McGonagall, shoving past numerous students and coming to a stop in front of the slytherin table.

she stared.

Sasuke had his arm through draco's chest, it was glowing dimly. there was blood all over Sasuke's arm, and a bit on his shirt. he had a smirk on his face and his eyes were looking strait at Draco's face.

Draco was silent, his head bowed, clinging to Sasuke's upper-arm apparently to keep balance, there was blood constantly flowing from his mouth and around Sasuke's arm from the huge wound in his chest. his whole body was shaking visibly.

McGonagall was in a state of shock. she had never seen so much blood in her life. the blood was pouring from Draco's chest and onto the table, then flowing off the edges of the table like a red waterfall, staining the stone floor beneath it, red.

((TBC it was bound to happen, wasn't it? X3 thanks, kagebunshin12, i was rather unside weather or not to acutally make it so Draco would get attacked. :3))


	17. pained scream, heal, always pale, Pansy

Tsunade wasn't having a great day.

first; Jiraiya kept bugging her about wanting her to be on the cover of the next Come Come paradise novel. _naked_. second; she only got three hours of sleep. third; there was that stupid little fight between naruto and Sasuke about how Sasuke was gay... it was annoying, even though it was rather amusing.

Tsunade sighed and brushed her hair moodily in front of her bedroom mirror, glancing at Jiraiya's empty bed. there was one good thing that came out of all this. she had no paperwork! Shizune was doing it all for her! and she didn't have to worry about Konaha being bashed to pieces, because Dumbledore put a protecting series of spells around it! she was about to sigh heavily, wondering where her perverted teammate had gone, when the screeching sound of chidori filled her ears.

"HOLYFUCKINGSHIT!" roared Tsunade, forgetting about her hair and launching herself out of her bedroom.

30 seconds later, Tsunade had bursted into the great hall. no one was moving, even though the hall was completely full.

the sound of dripping caught Tsunade's attention and she looked over to the slytherin table and her eyes widened.

Tsunade's blood boiled and she marched over to the Slythering table, pushing past students and teachers alike.

"SASUKE!" roared Tsunade, coming to the edge of the slytherin table, next to McGonagall.

Sasuke slowly turned his head to look at Tsunade, his arm still through Draco's chest.

Tsunade looked utterly furious and had a dangerous aura around her.

Sasuke sighed softly, his hand glowing more brightly before he ripped his arm from draco's chest.

Draco's pained scream echoed around the hall.

Tsunade launched onto the blood-soaked table and grabbed Draco before he could fall.

"_... Sasuke, i want a word with you after this. don't you leave this room._" growled Tsunade in a warning tone as she stepped down from the table.

Sasuke nodded ever so slightly, hopping off the table and using a napkin to wipe the blood from his arm.

Tsunade shoved past curious and stunned students, Tsunade put Draco on the cold stone ground and knelt beside him, staring at the blood and the huge gaping hole in his chest.

"d-do you want me to get madam Pomfry?" came McGonagall's shaky, concerned voice behind Tsunade.

Tsunade shook her head, raising her hands that were already covered in blood.

Harry stood there with Hermione, Sakura, Naruto and Ron. they were standing around Draco, McGonagall and Tsunade, there was around a meter separating the curious and shocked students from Tsunade, Draco and McGonagall.

Harry's eyes widened as Tsunade's hands glowed and green-blue and she placed her hands on Draco's unmoving and bloody chest.

there were numerous gasps as Draco's chest began to heal under Tsunade's well-manicured hands.

finally, there was no clue that Draco used to have a huge, gaping hole in his chest... besides his robes that were bloodstained, tattered and had a gaping hole in them, the blood all over the slytherin table, Sasuke's bloody arm and the hall floor, and of course, everyone that saw it.

Tsunade placed a hand on Draco's neck. "... hardly _any_ pulse..." muttered Tsunade under her breath, sending a murderous glare at Sasuke, of whom was just silently watching Draco's recovery.

"is this kid always this pale?" Tsunade asked loudly, tapping Draco's cheek lightly.

"yes. he is." answered McGonagall, still standing behind Tsunade.

"TSUNADE!" came a shriek of distress, a girl from Slytherin pushing past lots of students and throwing herself on the ground beside Draco.

Tsunade raised an eyebrow.

"please save him! you _have to_ save him!" sobbed the girl, tears streaming down her cheeks.

Tsunade's eye twitched. couldn't this girl see that he was alive!

"he's my boyfriend and--and--" the girl burst into tears and sobbed uncontrollably, shaking on the floor.

Tsunade looked over her shoulder and gave McGonagall one of those 'WHAT THAH FUCK?' looks. McGonagall sweatdropped and shrugged.

Tsunade placed her hands onto Draco's chest again and closed her eyes. Draco's slow, soft heartbeat echoed in her ears.

"t-tsunade?" came the girl's voice again.

Tsunade had cracked.

"SHUT UP" roared Tsunade, trying to listen to Draco's heartbeat that had gone deathly quiet.

there was a startled squeak from the girl, but other than that, there was no noise.

Tsunade opened her eyes after a few minutes.

"... he's lost too much blood--" Tsunade started.

there was a loud wail from the slitherin girl and Tsunade jumped to her feet.

"YOU. NAME." Tsunade roared.

"P... pansy parkanson..." squeaked the girl, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"LISTEN, PANSY." growled Tsunade. "i have only ever lost a few patients, and this kid isn't going to be one of them. can't you see he's breathing! can't you see he's alive! all he needs is more blood! that's all! so, stop OVERREACTING!" roared Tsunade, towering over the petrified, shaking bundle that is Pansy.

McGonagall couldn't help her lips tweaking up at the edges, then she cleared her throat, her cold façade back to normal.

"shall i get one of Snape's best blood potions?" asked McGonagall.

Tsunade turned from Pansy, of whom was now crying from fright, and looked at McGonagall.

"yeah. and make it quick." Tsunade said simply, sending a glance at Draco's unconscious figure.

((TBC and those who are wondering why Sasu-teme went psyco, he had a proper reason for attacking draco, but that'll be revealed later. XP ))


	18. death eater, ememy, detention

ten minutes later, Snape had come with his best blood potion, Draco had been given the potion and now was lying in the hospital wing, Pansy seemed to be absolutely petrified to even breathe around Tsunade, all the students were talking excitedly about what they had seen and had gone back to eating their lunch, the blood had been cleaned up, and Sasuke was now standing in Tsunade's room in front of her.

"_explain yourself._" Tsunade said shortly, sitting on her bed and brushing her hair.

"_... Malfoy Draco is a Death Eater._" Sasuke said simply.

Tsunade blinked.

"_... i heard him talking in the slitherin common room. i heard everything about Voldemort and Deatheaters. he was bragging about this to his two mindless usuratonkachi; Crabbe and Goyle... and then, after Defense Against the Dark Arts, he tried to use his wand to curse me, i just threatened him... then, at lunch, he said that my family was nothing but hopeless weasels..._" Sasuke took a breath. "_he dosen't even know anything about me family. so i called him an inbred mother fucker, then he tried to curse me, i deflected it with chakara, then we got up on the table, i attacked him with chidori, and that's where you came in._" Sasuke finished, taking another breath.

Tsunade's eyebrows were raised so far they were in danger of disappearing in her hairline, her brush and hair forgotten.

"_... and what thought let you believe that you were allowed to attack Draco with Chidori?_" asked Tsunade after a few moments of silence, going back to brushing her hair.

"_... Voldemort is the enemy, no? Deatheaters are his followers, no? we should eliminate his followers before the leader, because the leader is too powerful to handle..._" Sasuke's voice trailed away. he took another breath.

"_anyway, that punk needed to have the shit beaten out of him._" Sasuke added with relish.

Tsunade was silent again.

"_... i don't want these students knowing too much about our 'gifts', okay? just use Tai-Jitsu(hand-to-hand combat) when you're confronted. okay? and..._" Tsunade paused...

"_... Keep and eye on naruto. i have a feeling something bad is about to happen._" Tsunade finished, brushing her hair.

Sasuke nodded and turned to walk out of the room.

"_oh!_" came Tsunade's voice, causing Sasuke to turn and look at her.

"_a month of detention. plus one day from that little brawl you had with Naruto._" Tsunade said casually, turning her back on him and brushing her hair in the mirror.

Sasuke twitched slightly and sighed. "_hai_." he muttered, nodding at Tsunade and walking out the door.

this was not Sasuke's best day.

((TBC aaargh! so short! DX))


	19. the Encyclopedia and Kyuubi no Kitsune

Ron yawned as the day droned on, it was dinner time, and nothing else interesting happened since Sasuke nearly killed Draco.

"I wonder if he'll _die_." muttered Ron, thinking about the wonderful world without Draco.

"I doubt it." answered Hermione, glancing at the three exchange students who were eating inn a small group at the end of the hufflepuff table behind her. "That Tsunade lady is a _wonderful_ Doctor, and i still don't get how she did it! With _no_ potions! _Nothing_!" whined Hermione, looking down at her apple pie.

"Wow. Something Hermione _doesn't_ know!" gasped Ron in mock horror.

Hermione sent Ron a dirty glare. Harry quickly stuffed some treacle tart into his mouth.

"Well, Dumbledore did say that they had a different type of magic to ours." said Fred, scooting beside his little brother and pulling up some pork.

"That's true..." muttered Hermione, shifting to the side a little as George sat next to her, opposite his twin.

Hermione sighed, pushing her apple pie at Ron. "Eat it. I want to check something."

Ron looked at the pie for a moment, then tipped it onto his plate happily. "Thanks, Hermione"

"No problem." Hermione said off-handedly, pulling a huge book out of her bag and slamming it onto the table so the whole table shook and the plates and forks clattered.

"Holy fucking shit! What the hell is that!" gaped Fred, pieces of pork and mashed potatoes falling from his mouth and back onto his plate.

"Encyclopedia." Hermione said simply, opening it up to the first page, which was blank. "Chidori." Hermione said clearly to the book.

Harry glanced at Fred and George, who had gone back to eating but were watching the book silently.

The page was blank for a moment, then words and pictures started to fade onto the page.

Hermione ran her finger down the index when it had faded in properly enough to read. "hmmm..."

Harry looked at the encyclopedia silently as Hermione tapped one of the words and the page went blank again. it reminded Harry so much of touch-screens in the muggle world as more pictures and writing appeared on the page.

"Okay!" squealed Hermione, finding a moving picture of the electrocuted-like hand and information underneath it.

Hermione was silent as she read, Ron and Harry going back to eating until Hermione's loud gasp caught their attention.

"What?" Fred said shortly, lathering butter onto his bread roll.

"Professer Hatake is the creator of Chidori! And he's from a place in asia where they don't use magic, but CHAKARA!" squealed Hermione, bubbling in excitement about this new knowledge.

Harry felt someone's eyes directed at Hermione and he looked over his shoulder at the ravenclaw table to see Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke all looking at Hermione silently. Harry had the feeling that they had heard the word 'Chakara' and looked over, wondering who was talking.

"... Hermione... i don't think it's s good idea talking about this so loud..." muttered Harry from the corner of his mouth, his eyes still on the three exchange students, of whom were watching the back of Hermione's bushy head.

"Nonsense!" Hermione said happily, not noticing that Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke were all watching her.

Harry was not the only one that had noticed that the three exchange students were watching Hermione. Ron, Fred and George all had noticed too.

"Hermione, i _really_ think you should stop researching that stuff..." Ron said slowly as he saw Sakura stand up from the ravenclaw table.

"What is with you guys?" Hermione said exasperatedly, ripping her eyes off the book and looking at them.

"What are you reading?" came a soft voice behind Hermine, making her whip around.

Sakura was standing behind Hermione, looking politely curious.

Hermione didn't know wether or not to hide what she was reading, but before she could make up her mind, she was found out.

"oi, oi, oi! that book has Kakashi-sensei in it!"

Hermione whipped around as she saw Naruto lean in between Ron and Fred, grab the book and turn it around to face him.

Ron sighed, moving slightly to the side so Naruto wasn't leaning to hard on him, as did Fred.

Naruto touched the page of the book and the information on it disappeared.

"_eehhhh_?" questioned Naruto, poking the blank page of the book numerous times.

Hermione was about to shoo Naruto away from the book, when a moving picture of a blood-red fox appeared on the page... a _nine-tailed_ blood red fox...

Everyone looked from Naruto to the book and back again. Even Sasuke had walked over and was now standing behind Hermione to see what was going on.

Naruto's eyes were wide and was staring down at the book. The red fox glared at him from the depths of the picture, slamming it's nine huge tails into a mountain behind it, reducing the mountain to rubble.

Sasuke narrowed his eyes and looked at Naruto.

Naruto stared down at the fox, his eyes almost impossibly wide, then he suddenly shoved himself away from the table and sprinted away and out of the hall.

Sakura blinked. "well, that was _weird_." she said, leaning in between George and Hermione, flipping the book around so she can see the picture the right-way-up.

"_... Kyuubi-no-Kitsune..._" Sakura said softly, staring at the picture on the encyclopedia. "_oh_..."

"What's that?" Ron blinked, looking at the double doors which Naruto left through, then at Sakura.

"Nine-tailed demon fox." Sasuke answered shortly.

Ron, Harry, Fred and George raised their eyebrows and Hermione gasped.

"Y-you mean... the one who nearly killed a _whole_ village?" Hermione said in a shaky voice.

Sakura nodded. "That was _our_ village, he nearly killed." she said, slamming the encyclopedia shut, a muffled yelp from the picture of Kyuubi adding to the clatter of knives, forks and plates.

"Why would it effect Naruto like _that_, though?" Hermione asked herself, scratching her chin.

Sakura and Sasuke glanced at each other, then shrugged at the same time.

Sakura knew perfectly well that Naruto had Kyuubi sealed inside of him, and Sakuke had a hunch that Naruto had Kyuubi somehow inside of him.

((TBC damn. i wanted to make this chapter longer, but i guess it can wait. i tried to make the key characters in this chap the hogwarts kids... i hope it worked. ; anyway, Naruto will have some more chaos in store for him when i write the next chapter, but until then, enjoy!))


	20. hurting you, tattoo, Henge no Jitsu?

Harry, Hermione and Ron made their way back to the Groffindor common room a short while after.

"This was the _longest_ first-day back to school, _ever_!" whined Ron, running a hand through his hair.

"It wasn't _that_ bad." said Hermione, crawling through the portrait hole.

"Of course not! Draco nearly died." snickered Harry, crawling through the portrait hole after Hermione.

As the three of them walked taward the spiral staircases to get into their nice, comfy, warm beds, they heard soft mumbling coming from near the fire.

Naruto was huddled next to the fire, curled up into a ball on his side, muttering softly in japanese to himself. Naruto's arms were wrapped around his knees and his face hidden against them. From the sound of his voice, he was distraught.

Hermione looked at Harry and Ron, then took out her wand, pointing it at her ear and muttering something about understanding a different language.

Harry and Ron glanced at each other, then looked at Naruto.

Hermione could now understand Naruto's mumbling and she looked down at him. All they could see was a shock of blond hair and a robed, curled back.

"_They... Can't know... He's hurting me... Why me... Why does it always have to be... Me... It hurts... Why..._"

"_... Naruto...?_"

It happened in a flash. Naruto had sat up and scrambled backwards away from Hermione of whom had taken a step forward and spoken to Naruto.

Ron stared at Naruto's silhouette which was shimmering against the crackling fire behind the exchange student.

"_Y-you can speak japanese!_" Naruto squeaked, staring at Hermione.

"_No._" Hermione said, shaking her head. "_It's a spell. I can only understand you for a little while... What's wrong? Who's hurting you?_" Hermione asked, hoping she doesn't come off nosy.

Naruto stared at Hermione silently, his eyes wide. The shimmering scarlet flames making the tears in the blond's eyes glimmer.

"_... It's nothing... It's just... I have... I..._" Naruto struggled to find the right words, then one of his hands slowly moved up and clutched his stomach.

"_Oh! Was it the food? Did you eat too much?_" Hermione asked. Then she remembered that Naruto hardly ate anything at the feast. "_Didn't you eat anything?_"

Naruto shook his head. "_I... itai..._"

Hermione frowned. The spell must have worn off. "n... Naruto? The spell wore off. Can you tell me what's wrong?" Hermione asked, looking hopefully at the blonde boy in front of her.

Naruto took a moment, then slowly raised the bottom hem of his shirt. Hermione saw a sliver of something like an exotic tattoo around Naruto's belly-button, but it seems Naruto thought better of showing her a quarter way thorough pulling up his shirt. he quickly pushed his shirt back down and shakily got up, pushing past the three of them and walking up to the boy's dormitory without saying a word.

Harry watched Naruto walk up the spiral staircase, then looked back at Hermione.

"What's wrong with him?" Asked Ron.

Hermione shrugged. "Something's hurting him. I saw something like a tattoo on his stomach, but i doubt that's what's hurting. He said that '_he's_' hurting him. But he didn't tell me who '_he_' is."

"Do you think it could be Voldemort?" asked Harry, thinking about if there could be a dark-mark tattoo thing on Naruto's stomach.

"I doubt it. He doesn't seem like the kind who likes to kill or is in the same league as the Malfoys." Said Ron, flinching as he heard Harry say the name of the Dark Lord.

"I agree with Ron. He's too nice to be a Death-Eater." Hermione nodded, she too had flinched when Harry said Voldemort's name.

The three of them sank into their favorite comfy chairs around the fire, no longer feeling tired or sleepy. Trying to figure out what was upsetting Naruto so badly.

After what felt like a couple of hours, everyone had gone to bed and Harry, Hermione and Ron were still sitting in their chairs and still hadn't come up with a logical explanation for Naruto's sudden pain.

Harry sighed at the silence that had materialized around the three of them. "How about we sleep on it?"

Ron and Hermione nodded in turn, standing up from their warm, comfy chairs and walking into their dormitories.

Ron and Harry walked into the boys dormitory to see Seamus lying on his bed, covered in blood and twitching, Nevil sitting on his own bed, his face scarlet, and Naruto, sitting on his bed, grinning like a lunatic.

"... What happened here?" Ron finally asked, running over to Seamus and shaking him by the shoulders, noticing the blood hadn't come from a wound, but from his nose.

"U...um..." came Nevil's shaky voice.

Ron let Seamus fall back onto the bed with a dull _thud_ and he looked over at Nevil.

Nevil looked around to see both Harry and Ron looking at him, then he seemed to loose his voice, just pointing at Naruto.

Harry and Ron looked at Naruto, of whom seemed to be over his pain, and was now grinning like a lunatic at them. His teeth were almost blindingly white.

"What did you do to him?" Harry asked politely, pointing at Seamus, of whom was still bloody, unconscious and twitching.

"Henge no jitsu." Naruto said, nodding.

"... What the fuck is 'Henge no Jitsu'?" asked Ron before he could stop himself.

Naruto grinned and slipped off his bed, standing at the end of it and put his hands together in a weird hand-position.

"NO!" shreiked Nevil, flinging his arms out and covering his eyes with them just as there was a huge puff of white smoke where Naruto was standing.

Harry stared as the beautiful white smoke filled the room and slowly started to clear.

"Oh... My... Fucking... _Gawd_..." came Ron's voice beside him.

Harry was about to ask what he meant, but just then; he found out.

((TBC. sorry nothing interesting happens in this chap. it'll be more interesting in the next chap! i promise!))


	21. the curvy young woman Naruko

Harry's eyes widened and his face burned red.

Ron's eyes widened, his eyebrows raised, his jaw dropped, and his face went scarlet.

In front of them, was a _naked_, long-haired blonde, very curvy young woman... Did i mention she was _naked_?

The woman purred seductively and took a step toward the two boys.

Ron swayed alarmingly and clapped a hand over his nose.

Harry stared at the woman in front of him. She was completely naked, though there were wisps of the white smoke obscuring _certain_ parts of her flesh to him and Ron. Harry felt his cheeks burn worse as he saw her breasts jiggle as she took another step forward.

Naruko giggled to herself, taking a step forward and leaning down so she was eye-to-eye with Ron.

Ron stared at the cleavage exposed to him and suddenly blood exploded from behind his hand, he swayed and passed out immedietly, his body thudding loudly as it landed on the floor.

Harry stared as the woman laughed. her laugh was like angels... no. much better than angels...

Harry's cheeks felt like they were on fire as her sparkeling blue eyes turned to him.

_BANG_

The door flew open and Fred, George and their friend Lee Jordan just sprinted into the room.

"Will you guys shut up? We're trying to slee--Woooaaah..." Fred's sentance trailed away as he stared at the naked woman standing in front of Harry and next to Ron's bloody, unconscious figure.

There was ringing silence for a few moments until...

"Harry! If you were gonna hire her, you should've told us, at least!" yelled Lee, pouting and crossing his arms.

Harry jawdropped and looked back at the woman, of whom was blushing lightly and giggling.

"But-- I-- Didn't-- He-- I--" Harry couldn't find the correct combination of words, feeling very flustered.

"Nonsense, Harry!" cheered George, suddenly buisness-like and professional, not taking any notice of Harry's stutterings.

George and Fred swooped past Harry and stepped over the unconcious Ron, walking over to the lady and sliding an arm around her beautifully naked waist on each side.

"Now, my dear, shall we get on with it?" purred Lee, taking a step foward.

"Oh, i'm sorry boys..." said the young lady, putting her hands together in front of her, her breasts squishing together a little. "But i'm not a prostitute."

Fred, George and Lee blinked.

"Then what are you doing in Ron and Harry's dormitory?" asked George, looking flabbergasted.

"And naked!" added Fred.

"That's Naruto." Harry blurted out, not sure how Naruto made himself into such a beautiful lady, but somehow knowing it was him.

Fred and George blinked at Harry, and Lee's jaw dropped.

"Are you serious!" Fred and George said together, snapping their gaze to the young lady inbatween them.

The lady nodded, sighing, her beautiful long blond hair seeming to droop.

"Hey! What does it matter!" grinned Lee.

Naruko blinked and looked from side to side at Fred and George, of whom had evil grins on their faces.

"No." she said firmly, stepping away from Fred and George, standing behind Harry, still naked.

Dude, these guys could be a lot of hep to Jiraiya if he wanted to make even more books! their perverted minds are to be feared! they didn't care if she, Naruko, was a guy originally! _WTFH_!

"Aww, come _on_!" grinned Lee, standing nexto Fred and George.

"_NO_!" Naruko repeated, her hands on Harry's shoulders, as though using him as a sheild.

Fred gave Naruko a heartbroken look and she smirked.

"That's nothing." she said, leaning ever so slightly over Harry's shoulder and giving Fred a chibi pout that would make even Snape melt; her bottom lip trembling, her eyes sparkling with unshed tears and little pink sparkles seeming to float around her.

"Alright, alright! You win!" squeaked Fred, frantically waving his arms around to stop himself being sucked in by the overwhelming cuteness.

"So, you guys gonna go now?" crooned Naruko, wrapping her arms around Herry's neck lightly, the pink sparkles glowing for a moment, then disappearing.

"Yeah. Yeah." sighed Lee in defeat, walking out the door with Fred.

"But you'd better tell us what you _do_ to her, harry!" grinned George, giving Harry a wink and waving goodnight, following his twin away.

Harry's mind seemed to be stuck. And the feeling of two, large, soft breasts pressed against his back wasn't helping either.

"Oh dear..." purred Naruko by his ear.

"What is it?" croaked Harry, keeping his eyes tightly shut and trying to keep the mental images at bay.

"I think I killed your friend, Nevil."

Harry's eyes snapped open and he stared over at Nevil's bed. Nevil indeed looked dead. he was lying on his bed, spread-legged, he was even covered in blood, but instead of pale, he was bright scarlet.

"I think he's just unconscious..." muttered Harry, shuddering as he felt Naruko's body press up against his back.

"As you should be Why aren't you?" purred Naruko in his ear.

Harry looked over his shoulder, to see two sparkling huge, blue eyes looking at him thoughtfully.

"you did this to see how many guys you could nosebleed?" blinked Harry.

"_yep_!" she chimed happily, grinning and flashing her pearly white teeth.

_BANG_

"Mr Potter! lights were supposed to be out fifteen min--HOLY MOTHER OF _MERLIN_!"

_THUD_

Harry snapped his eyes over to the dormitory door to see the unconscious corpse of Professor Minerva McGonagall lying in the doorway, her face beet red.

"Oh _my_..." stared Naruko, her arms still loosely around Harry's neck in some sort of hug.

"I think you killed a teacher." gaped Harry.

"i think you're right." agreed Naruko.

((TBC wow. that was fun to write... xDDDD))


	22. oh so you are strait

Harry stared at McGonagall, not noticing the feeling of a warm naked body against his back.

"You're not _gay_, are you, Harry?"

"EEH?" Harry whipped around, staring at Naruko, then he immedietly regretted it.

Naruko looked at him thoughtfully, her arms tightening immediately around Harry's neck, her breasts pressing up against his chest.

"Well? Are you?" Naruko purred.

"N-no! What gives you that idea?" croaked Harry. Being accused of being gay isn't exactly to be expected... For _Harry_, at least.

"Well, usually when a _naked_ girl hugs a guy, the guy at least reacts. Or blacks out from blood loss." explained Naruko, as though it was the most _obvious_ thing in the world.

"Or there should be a disurbance down _there_." Naruko let Harry go, took a step back and pointed to his crotch.

Harry leapt back and stared at Naruko, his back against the wall.

Naruko was looking at his crotch silently. "Oh. So you _are_ strait."

"Shut up!" glared Harry, his cheeks burning almost unbearably, he slid down the wall and sat there, his legs slightly spread.

Naruko flashed her pearly white teeth and with yet another huge poof of white smoke, Naruto was back to his male self.

"You... How the... hell did you...?" Harry stammered.

"Sexy no jitsu. It's... Eerr... A... 'Spell' only i know." Naruto sweatdropped, knowing that they didn't know what 'Jitsu' were.

There was a small silence in between them, then the sound of high-heels tapping on stone steps caught their attention.

Naruto and Harry looked at the dormitory door just as Tsunade stepped into it.

"Eerrr... Hi, Tsunade-o-baa-chan!" grinned Naruto.

"Do you know where you're _supposed_ to be, Naruto?" asked Tsunade, taking no notice of Harry.

Naruto thought for a moment, then grinned goofily. "... Detention...?"

"_YES_!" roared Tsunade, swooping past Harry, grabbing Naruto by the ear and dragging Naruto out of the dormitory.

Harry listened to the squeaks of pain, thuds and stomping of two pairs of feet until he heard the portrait hole slam shut.

"... Urgh... Harry...?"

Harry looked over.

"Welcome back, Ron." said Harry as he watched Ron slowly push himself into a sitting position.

"Yeah..." muttered Ron, swaying a little.

Harry got out his wand and flicked it, all the blood disappearing from the room. Harry put his wand back into his pocket and looked back at Ron.

"Where'd she go?" asked Ron, looking around.

Harry went to answer, but Ron got different ideas.

"she didn't... well... _do_ you, did she?" asked Ron, nodding toward Harry's slowly spread-legged sitting position.

Harry's eyes widened and his cheeks burnt bright red. "_RON_!"

Ron grinned. "maybe she can do me later--"

"LIGHTS OUT!" roared McGonagall. when did she wake up? no one will know, but she waved her wand dramatically, and the lights poofed out of existence, leaving the room in complete darkness, before she swept from the Griffindor tower and went to bed.

"so, Harry... did she... _y'know_..."

"no, Ron. she did _not_."

"Alright! _Alright_! I was just askin'!"

"Lets just go to bed, Ron..."

Meanwhile, in the dungeons, Snape's potion room to be exact, Sasuke was standing in one of the shadowy corners, and Snape was sitting behind his desk, on which was a huge jar (about half the size of a grown man) filled with dead frogs floating in green liquid.

There was a heavy silence in the dungeon, Sasuke's eyes were fixed on the floating dead frogs in the jar, and Snape's were fixed on the dungeon door. Naruto was supposed to be there half an hour ago.

The door finally creaked open and Tsunade entered with a disgruntled looking Naruto, rubbing his ear.

"Finally." hissed Snape, standing up.

"OH MY FUCKING _GAWD_, IT'S _HIDEOUS_!" shrieked Naruto, either pointing at either the jar of dead frogs, or Snape. It was hard to tell.

"... Oh. and there's something in a jar." grinned Naruto, running over to the jar of dead frogs and poking it, looking at all the wrinkled, scabbed and grotesque frogs floating in the green liquid.

Snape was silent, but his eyes had become cold, nearly worthy of a Uchiha Sasuke himself.

The edges of Tsunade's lips thretened to tweak upwards, but she didn't let them. "Shall we?"

"Yes." Snape hissed and nodded. Sasuke walked over from his dark corner and stood beside Naruto, in front of the jar of dead frogs and Snape's desk.

((TBC and for those who asked, no. this isn't going to be Yaoi. or Shounen ai. or Slash. or whatever you call it nowadays. xDDD ... but it _might_ have tiny hints of it. i don't know. X3))


	23. Detention

"Right-y-o, kiddies. For detention, Snape needs all the organs of these frogs put into different jars.-" She pointed at numerous large jars with spiky black tags on the tops of what organ is to be in it. "-The skin is needed to be put over there in that box-" She pointed at a large glass box, "-and the eyeballs need to be put in there." She pointed at a large jar that was half-full of eyeballs which seemed to follow the two shinobi no matter which way the moved.

"And _do not_ damage them." hissed Snape, sitting at his desk.

Tsunade pulled up a chair and sat next to Snape, pulling open the glass jar of dead frogs.

Immediately as the jar was opened, a foul-smelling yellow-green gas spilled over the sides of the jar, onto the desk, and onto the floor.

"PEE-YEW! That's _soooome_ stank!" commented Naruto, waving a hand in front of his nose so maybe the smell wouldn't get at him.

"He who smelt it, dealt it." said Sasuke simply. You could hardly tell that Sasuke could smell the gas, except that his nose was wrinkled up a little.

Naruto stared at Sasuke. Sasuke gasped and clapped a hand over his mouth. He was acting _childishly_!

"Hurry up! The smell gets worse as time goes on!" chimed Tsunade. Sasuke and Naruto blinked at Tsunade and Snape. They had some sort of bubble around their head, the foul-smelling gas not going into it, or their lungs.

"... What the hell is that?" choked Naruto, the smell was indeed getting worse. Naruto lightly poked the bubble, frowning at it.

"Bubble head charm. And you're not leaving this dungeon until you've disemboweled and put all the frog's pieces into the right places." hissed Snape.

Sasuke glared at Snape, then turned to Naruto. Naruto looked at Sasuke and grinned, taking a kunai out of his pocket.

In a blink of an eye, the two of them were slicing apart putrid, stinking, slimy, dead corpses of frogs and throwing the pieces into the correct jars and boxes, so fast, they were blurred, splattering green slimy liquid all over the floor.

After forty-five minutes, both of them were covered in the slimy green liquid, all the frogs had been dissected and sorted, and everything in the room seemed to be covered in the slimy green liquid also. Not including Tsunade and Snape.

Naruto spat some of the green liquid from his mouth, hitting Sasuke square in the ear.

"SCORE!" squealed Naruto, grinning and flinging his soaking wet arms in the air.

"_Usuratonkachi..._" muttered Sasuke, shuddering and trying to get the ooze out of his ear.

Snape looked at Tsunade, completely ooze-free, as was Tsunade.

Tsunade grinned. "I'm glad I knew the Impervious charm."

Snape shrugged, taking out his wand and flicking it, the lid of the jar closing and the yellow-green mist that had settled on the floor disappeared, but the stench did not. it had changed from the original off-cheeze + vomit smell to a rotten-egg x 100.

"Right-y-o! You two hit the showers!" chimed Tsunade, standing up.

"That's all?" asked Sasuke boredly, having gotten used to the smell. His pinky finger in his ear, still trying to get the ooze out.

Tsunade nodded and Naruto squealed, throwing his arms in the air again, more ooze splattering the walls and Sasuke.

Sasuke let out a growl as Naruto splattered ooze on his hair. Stinking ooze. Hair. Not a good combination.

Tsunade shooed the two children from the dungeon and gave Snape a grin, leaving the potions master in a stinking and oozing potions room.

Snape growled and sighed, flicking his wand again, the ooze disappearing and the dungeon just smelling faintly of rotten eggs.

"... Stupid children..." he muttered as he looked through the eyeballs, organs and skins. The eyeballs watching his every move.

((TBC short, but a longer one will follow... hopefully!))


	24. giggl, myrtle, virgin minds, CANNON BALL

Naruto and Sasuke trudged upstairs, leaving slimy, sticky, stinking green footsteps behind themselves.

"You remember where the bathrooms are?" asked Naruto, sighing heavilly, watching a drop of slime ooze off the tip of his nose.

Sasuke grunted in affirmation.

They squelched up the enchanted stairs, Sasuke leading, Naruto half a step behind.

Sasuke stopped infront of a sertain portrait, muttered a password and the portrait swung open.

Sasuke stepped in and was immedietly shunned to the side as Naruto zoomed into the prefect's bathroom.

"It's lucky we stole those passwords, huh?" grinned Naruto, starting to strip off his robes, standing infront of the pool-sized bathtub.

"_You_. Dobe. _You_ stole the passwords." Sasuke corrected him, walking over to one of the mirrors and looking at the damage that had happened to his hair.

Naruto was soaked to the bone with the stinking ooze, he was about to strip off his swirly orange boxer shorts, when a giggle was heard behind him.

Naruto whipped around and stared. Behind him was all the taps to the pool-bath. But... It giggled. He was sure it _giggled_!

"What's up, dobe? I don't want mental scarring. Get in the bath and get out. I don't want to look at your naked body if I can avoid it." said Sasuke, his voice echoing around the white marble walls, still inspecting his hair in the mirror.

"The tap giggled." Naruto said shortly.

"This is an old castle. Things move sometimes--"

"Not 'jiggled'. 'GIGGLED'!" growled Naruto, pointing at the taps.

"... You've finally lost it, dobe." sighed Sasuke, turning and looking at the taps, frowning at the blonde's naked back.

"I'm not crazy! I swear it giggled!" growled Naruto.

Sasuke sighed. "You're a lost cause, usuratonkachi. Try to flush whatever giggled out of the taps." Sasuke said in a monotone, turning back to the mirror.

Naruto nodded determinedly, walking over the taps.

Sasuke stripped off his clothing until he was only in a pair of boxer shorts and a shirt, completely soaked in the green ooze and looked back in the mirror, inspecting at his hair again.

Naruto was going through all the taps, a determined frown on his face, his tongue in between his teeth. All the taps had made different kinds of bubbles, but nothing that giggled.

Sasuke walked over to the edge of the pool-like bath, pulling off his soaking-wet shirt and dropping it on the floor.

"Found anything, dobe?" asked Sasuke, placing his hands on the waist-band of his green and silver boxers.

"I think so!" smirked Naruto, turning on one of the last taps, something white and glowing shooting from the tap and into bath before pink suds came out of the tap.

"... So?" asked Sasuke, clearly not impressed.

"But.. I swear that was it!" whined Naruto.

Sasuke rolled his eyes and was about to get into the bath, but something caught his eye.

Something was moving in the bath.

Sasuke frowned and looked at Naruto, of whom seemed to have noticed the glowing thing too.

Slowly, a girl's head poked itself out from the bath, looking at Sasuke. She had thick glasses and pigtails. But the thing that crept both Naruto and Sasuke out was...

She was see-through.

"Who are _you_?" gaped Naruto, staring at the girl.

"Myrtle." said the girl in a sulky voice, looking at Naruto, her eyes sparkling with something that made Sasuke uncomfortable.

"Hi! I'm Naruto!" Naruto beamed, his white teeth making the marble of the bathroom seem grey.

Myrtle smiled and turned to Sasuke. "Who are you?" she asked, seeming curious.

Sasuke surveyed her carefully. something wasn't right...

"Sasuke." he said simply.

Myrtle nodded and floated out of the bath, her toes dangling in the water, her eyes fixed on Sasuke's.

Sasuke just figured out what they sparkle in Myrtle's eyes was. it was in every single of his fangirl's eyes.

"You're a ghost too, aren't you? How did you die?" gaped Naruto, staring in awe at Myrtle.

Myrtle gave a humungus sniff, and suddenly zoomed away, up through the ceiling, ghosty tears streaming down her cheeks, sobbing almost impossibly loud.

Naruto stared at the ceiling of which Myrtle zoomed off into. "... Whoops." he muttered.

"Whatever, dobe." said Sasuke shortly, up to his neck in nice, hot, bubbly water, his boxer shorts on the floor next to the bathtub.

Naruto sighed heavily. "Virgin minds may want to look _away_!" he called at Sasuke, of whom closed his eyes immediately.

Naruto stripped off his boxer shorts and stood there in the nude for a moment, before grinning evilly.

"CANNON BAAAAAAALL!"

"WAIT! DOBE! NO--!"

_SPLASH_

((TBC. sorry about the absence of anything good in this chapter. x.x))


	25. girls are evil, shorts, cooties, pansy

A tidal wave of soapy water crashed over Sasuke as Naruto cannon-balled into the bathtub.

"D-_DOBE_!" Sasuke choked, spitting out a mouthful of suds.

Naruto popped his head out of the water, rubbing his eyes, to get the soap out of them, then looked over at Sasuke.

Sasuke's eyes open, Sharingan glimmering, he had bubbles in his hair, his hair was drooping from all the ooze and water, and he looked positively pissed off.

Naruto sweatdropped. "Not my fault!" he squeaked innocently.

Sasuke growled and his Sharingan vanished.

Sasuke leant his head back so his hair can soak in the water silently, still looking pissed off.

"Y'know, Sasu-teme. You'd make a nice girl." Naruto said off-handedly, splashing around in the bath, suds going everywhere.

_SPLAT_

Naruto spluttered and rubbed the suds off his face, looking at Sasuke with one eye, his other eye stinging from the soap.

Sasuke gave Naruto a glare, his hair slick back, now free of ooze, putting his hand back into the water from throwing a handful of suds at Naruto's face.

"What gives you that idea?" Sasuke growled, watching Naruto splash water onto his face to get the soap out of his eye.

"You're a pretty-boy. Simple as that." grinned Naruto, his face soaking wet and sud-free.

"I can't deny that i'm pretty, but that wasn't my intention... And being female isn't what i would call ideal." Sasuke said in a professional way.

Naruto shrugged. "Your loss."

Sasuke rolled his eyes and continued washing himself, then grabbed his boxer shorts, washing them too.

"What's the use of that? asked Naruto, piling up blue soap suds on his head to make a castle.

"I'd prefer not to bare my ass to you, dobe. I wouldn't be able to live it down." Sasuke said stubbornly, wringing out the shorts and putting it on the edge of the bath to dry.

"Imagine how the girls would _talk_!" gasped Naruto, his eyes sparkeling.

Sasuke shuddered.

Girls. Are. _Evil_.

Naruto grinned evilly, doing the doggy paddle over to the edge of the pool-sized bath, then heaved himself out of it, suds covering him from the waist down (To Sasuke's delight).

Sasuke took no notice of Naruto as he squelched his way around the bath tub, Sasuke washed his hair with careful detail; shampooing all of it two times, rinsing, conditioning the ends...

Naruto slunk over to Sasuke's boxer shorts and outstretched his hand, taking the shorts in between two fingers.

Sasuke looked over at Naruto and his eye twitched. "_Naruto_..."

Naruto grinned, putting Sasuke's shorts on his head. "How to they suit me?"

Sasuke shuddered as some of the suds fell from around Naruto's certain area and closed his eyes. "Naruto... Give me back my shorts. _NOW_."

"What? Scared of _cooties_?" grinned Naruto, putting his hands on his hips.

Sasuke shook his head. "No. I just don't want to be scarred for life."

"How can you get scarred for life with me wearing your shorts?" pouted Naruto.

Sasuke tried not to think about how those words could become so disgusting and _twisted_, then shuddered.

"Just give them back." Sasuke growled.

Naruto opened his mouth to say something when the portrait swung open, a white-blonde haired boy stepping into the bathroom, led by the hand by a girl who looked suspiciously like a pug-dog. It seems Pansy had gotten over her little conversation with Tsunade, and Draco had been healed. Though he was covered in unneeded bandages.

The two of them froze on sight of Naruto and Sasuke, Pansy blushing deep red since Naruto is practically naked, and Draco looked furious.

"Hello, Malfoy." Sasuke said smoothly, placing his elbows on the edge of the pool-sized tub, linking his fingers together and leaning his chin against his interlocked fingers.

Malfoy glared at Sasuke while Pansy's eyes glittered with the same fangirl-ish lust that was in Myrtle's.

Naruto looked between Sasuke and Malfoy, frowning a little, almost expecting sparks to fly from Malfoy's eyes.

"Uzumaki, put on some shorts. Or were you giving Uchiha a _strip_ tease?" said Draco coldly, a smirk on his face, still glaring at Sasuke.

Naruto's cheeks burnt with humiliation. How dare he! why the hell should he do a strip tease for _Sasuke_? he wasn't gay! ... was he?

Pansy walked over to the towel rack, getting one of the towels and holding it out for Naruto, trying not to look at him. Naruto nodded in thanks and wrapped it around his waist, looking in between sasuke and Draco again.

Sasuke narrowed his eyes at Draco, a tint of pink on his cheeks. "Naruto... Give me my shorts. _Now._" hissed Sasuke, not taking his eyes off Draco.

Naruto remembered he had Sasuke's shorts on his head and sweatdropped, taking them off and dropping them just out of Sasuke's reach, on the floor.

Sasuke's eyes snapped to Naruto, then the shorts, then back at Naruto.

"Come and get them, Sasuke-_chan_!" Naruto cheered happily.

Sasuke sent an icy glare at Naruto and outstretched his arm to get the shorts.

Naruto grinned as he saw that Sasuke's arms were a few inches too short to reach the shorts. "So near, and yet, so far!" sighed Naruto dramatically.

"_Shut the fuck up, you cock-sucking bastard._" hissed Sasuke, still struggling to get the shorts.

"_Mind your language_!" gasped Naruto, staring at Sasuke.

Draco was biting his thumb to try not to howl in laughter at Sasuke. Uchiha was pathetic! He was going to get Uchiha back for practically killing him. Pansy, on the other hand, was wondering weather of not she should try and help Sasuke. She might be able to see his ass in the process!

Sasuke glared icily at Naruto, of whom was grinning like a lunatic, then Sasuke got an idea. He placed a hand into the water, concentrated hard, then removed his hand from the water, a senbon in his hand.

God bless Haku and his water-to-needle techniques.

Sasuke stretched his arm again and dragged the shorts toward him with the tip of the senbon.

"HEY! That's against the rules!" Naruto shrieked, glaring at Sasuke as he put the shorts underwater.

"Who said there were any rules in the first place?" hissed Sasuke, heaving himself out of the bathtub with his shorts on. Naruto opened his mouth to answer, then sighed and nodded.

Sasuke loved it when he was right.

Naruto collected his grubby clothing from around the bathroom, then dropped it all into a sink, filled it with water, then went about cleaning it all. Sasuke looked at his pile of oozing-green clothing, almost wishing it would wash itself.

"i'll do that, Sasuke!" squealed Pansy, running over and waving her wand, the ooze disappearing from Sasuke's clothes.

"Pansy!" yelled Draco, outraged. Pansy was his girlfriend. no one else's!

Pansy looked from Sasuke to Draco, trying to make up her mind.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. Another fangirl. Just what he didn't need.

Draco glared icily at Sasuke, grabbing Pansy's hand and dragging her back out of the portrait.

In the time Naruto washed his clothes, re-washed himself, dried his clothes and started putting them on, Sasuke had put his clothes on, contemplated the meaning of life and thought up a way to kill Itachi and Draco at the same time.

They walked in different directions to their houses' common rooms, not saying a word other than 'goodnight'.

Sasuke walked into the slytherin common room after saying the password, walking in silently, the boards under his feet hardly making a noise. Sasuke looked up at the clock as it chimed one am to itself.

This was his first day at the Hogwarts school. God only knows what a whole year is going to be like...

((TBC. not one of my best chapters. :sigh: but anyway, i hope you like it. finally, the first day of school is over, and havoc shall reign again on the second day of school!))


	26. Gamakichi, snacks, snake perverts?

Harry yawned as he felt warm rays of morning light peck at his face, warming his skin. He felt a cool breeze whisper through the open window beside his bed and ruffle his hair, helping him wake up slightly.

Harry slowly heaved himself into a sitting position and rubbed his eyes, yawning again.

"_OHAYO_!"

Harry's eyes snapped open and he stared.

Sitting at the end of his bed was what looked like (He didn't have is glasses on. He had to guess.) a slightly smaller than a quaffle-sized orange and purple toad.

Harry and the toad stared at eachother for a few minuites.

"Hey. Whatcha staring at me for? Huh? I want a snack!" croaked the toad.

Harry groped on his bedside table for his glasses and shoved them onto his nose. Yep. It was a toad alright...

"What-- I mean... _Who_ are you?" blinked Harry, staring at the toad.

"The name is Gamakichi!" grinned the toad, revealing pale pink gums. "And you're Potter Harry, right?"

"... It's '_Harry Potter_' and yes. That's me..." Harry said slowly, finding it a little odd to be talking to a toad.

Gamakichi waved a orange toad hand dismissively. "Whatever. I want my stack!"

Harry looked at the toad for a few more moments, then groped around in his bedside cabinet, bringing out a box of chocolate frogs.

"EEEH! What do you think i am, punk! I'm not a cannibal!" shrieked Gamakichi loudly.

There were a few snorts and squeaks from around the room, signaling that Gamakichi had successfully woken everyone in the dormitory up.

"What the fuck, Harry?" moaned Ron's voice, Ron's mattress squeaking loudly, telling Harry he had a matter of seconds to hide Gamakichi before Ron came over, opened the curtains around Harry's bed and noticed the toad.

Harry went to grab Gamakichi but he slipped though his fingers like soap.

"Fine! I'll get my own snacks!" croaked Gamakichi moodily, pulling open Harry's curtains and hopping down from Harry's bed and onto the floor with a slightly wet 'thud-squish' on the floor.

Harry looked at Dean, Nevil, Ron and Seamus. All of whom were looking from Harry to the toad that was squishing it's way to the door. Ron was standing beside his bed, Nevil was lying on the floor, one leg still under the covers, he had obviously fallen out of bed at Gamakichi's sudden shriek, and the other two were sitting bolt-upright in bed, staring at Gamakichi.

"W-Wait!" Harry called, scrambling out of his bed.

Gamakichi turned around and looked up at Harry. "Waddiya want, punk?"

"If I give you a snack, what will you do for me?" asked Harry, squatting down so he was reasonably eye-to-eye or at least eye-to-knee with Gamakichi.

Gamakichi scratched his head lightly with an orange finger before shrugging. "Anything you want, kid!"

Harry shrugged. "Okay. I'll get dressed and i'll take you down to breakfast." he said, standing up and walking over to his trunk, not really caring about the fact that everyone was staring at him, nor about what people were going to think when he rocks up at the hall with a bright orange toad either. The toad might be useful.

Meanwhile, on the floor, Gamakichi grinned to himself. '_Naruto-chan is gonna be happy with me now! He won't mind that i ran off!_'

Harry got dressed and introduced Gamakichi to Ron, Nevil, Dean and Seamus. Nevil seemed delighted, having to be owning a toad of his own, though not as bright as Gamakichi. Dean had been surprised, yet amazed. Ron seemed skeptical, yet amazed. And Seamus seemed to have a thing about not wanting to touch things that can offend you about your hair.

Harry half-wondered where Naruto was, but he just shrugged it off. He packed his school bag silently, glancing at his timetable that Gamakichi was holding up for him.

Care of Magical Creatures was up first. But that wasn't for at least an hour. And maybe Hagrid could tell him what kind of enchanted toad Gamakichi was.

Anyway, breakfast.

Harry slung is school bag over his shoulder, then felt something fall onto his head. He looked up and raised his eyebrows, Gamakichi grinned down at him.

Ron sniggered and slung his own bag over his own shoulder.

"I can see it now!" chuckled Ron, slapping Harry on the back "'Harry Potter! _Taxi for Tired Toads_'!"

Harry could help not to grin, picking Gamakichi off his head and holding him for a second, frowning a bit. He couldn't put Gamakichi in his bag unless he oozes over his books, he couldn't walk around with a toad on his head all day...

Harry sighed and placed Gamakichi on his shoulder, Gamakichi immediately steadying himself and sitting there as though he did this every day.

"Snack! Snack! Snack! Snack!" chanted Gamakichi, bouncing up and down on Harry's shoulder a little.

"Alright! Alright!" sighed Harry, grabbing Ron by the wrist and dragging him out of the door since Ron seemed to be having a chortling fit and was unable to navigate himself out of the dormitory.

Harry entered the common room and was about to walk out the portrait hole when there was a squeal behind him.

Harry and Ron whipped around so fast Gamakichi nearly toppled off Harry's shoulder.

"HARRY! OH GOOD _LORD_! WHAT IS _THAT_?" squealed Hermione, rushing up to him. She probably had been sitting in one of their favorite chairs, waiting for them.

"Oh. Hermione, this is Gamakichi." said Harry lazily, motioning from Hermione to Gamakichi.

"Hiyo!" grinned Gamakichi, waving at Hermione with an orange hand.

"H-Hi!" squeaked Hermione, staring at Gamakichi for a moment, before rounding on Harry and Ron.

"What makes you think he's not one of... _Y'know_... You-Know-Who's _pets_ or something?" whispered Hermione urgently.

Harry shook his head. "Voldemort uses snakes." Harry said simply, ignoring Ron and Hermione's light flinches.

"Who's Voldemort?"

Harry, Ron and Hermione stared at Gamakichi.

"Is he another snake pervert? Geez... Some day those two snake perverts are gonna take over the world..." sighed Gamakichi, heaving himself a little more comfortably onto Harry's shoulder.

"... 'Snake pervert'...?" Ron asked slowly.

"... 'Another'...?" asked Hermione.

"Wtf?" said Harry.

"SNACK!" roared Gamakichi into Harry's ear, causing Harry to yelp and clap his hand over it.

Hermione, Ron and Harry walked to get some breakfast, mulling over what Gamakichi had let slip, Harry massaging his ringing ear. There was more than one Voldemort...?

((TBC. nothing much happens in this. sorry! DX and to those who tell me my chapters are too short; i know. but i prefer to write short interesting chapters than long boring ones. and squishing four or more chapters into one is a bit excessive and it'll take longer for me to update. x.x anyway, thanks for reading, and i'll try to update soon. 


	27. dissapeared, pet, orochimaru?

The threesome walked into the great hall to see it reasonably packed, nearly all the students were talking happily and eating their porridge or cereal.

Harry walked over to the Griffindor table, used to the pointing and whispering that was happening now.

Harry glanced down the table to see Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke all talking in hushed, hurried japanese tones.

Harry felt a squirm in his stomach as he saw a long, silver snake curling around Sasuke's wrist and a guinea-pig-sized pink slug sitting on Sakura's shoulder. From the looks of it, Naruto was in trouble and trying to come up with a good excuse.

"_I-i was sure he was with me! He just disappeared when i turned around!_" whimpered Naruto quickly.

"_Usuratonkachi..._" muttered Sasuke, feeling the snake around his wrist slowly slide up his robe sleeve.

"_Where did you last see him, Naruto?_" asked Sakura exasperatedly.

"_In the--_"

"_OI! NARU-CHAN!_"

Harry gasped and clapped his hand over his ear again as Gamakichi yelled in it.

Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke all looked in the direction of the voice and raised their eyebrows at the sight of Gamakichi on Harry's shoulder.

"_GAMAKICHI! THERE YOU ARE!_" squealed Naruto, stumbling out of his chair and running over to Harry, Ron and Hermione, grabbing Gamakichi and hugging him so tightly it looked like Gamakichi's eyes were going to pop out.

Harry rubbed his ear silently, watching Naruto and Gamakichi try to hug each other to death, sitting down at his seat.

"So you two know each other?" Ron asked Naruto, poking him in the shoulder.

Naruto looked up and put Gamakichi on his head, blinking at Ron. "Yeah! Of course i know Gamakichi! He's my summo--"

"Pet."

Naruto, Hermione, Harry and Ron snapped their gaze over to Sasuke and Sakura of whom were now standing.

"Gamakichi-chan is Naruto's pet." Sakura said softly, sending a miniscule glance at Sasuke.

Sasuke nodded, the silver snake that had slithered up his sleeve was now slithering in circles around his neck.

Naruto looked back at the hogwarts threesome and sweatdropped sheepishly. "_Yeah_! That's it! He's my _pet_!"

Hermione looked suspiciously at Naruto while Harry and Ron bought it.

"We should have some breakfast. Care of Magical Creatures is up first." said Sakura quickly, almost aching to change the subject.

The hogwarts threesome nodded, sitting down at the griffindor table, the other three sitting opposite them.

Harry pulled a bowl of cereal toward himself, glancing at the three opposite him.

Naruto had put Gamakichi on his lap and was now feeding him toast that was lathered with jam, Sakura's small pink slug was sitting beside Sakura's plate and nibbling on an apple, and Sasuke's snake was around his neck, once again, and had it's mirror-like eyes fixed on Harry.

"_What?_" Harry asked it.

It almost looked like the snake had the urge to raise it's eyebrows, if i had any.

"Harry!" came an urgent hiss in his ear and Harry looked at Hermione.

"What?" Harry asked again.

Hermione urgently motioned opposite Harry. Harry looked in front of him and felt his stomach squirm.

Naruto, Gamakichi, Sakura, her slug, Sasuke and his snake were all staring silently at Harry.

"Did you... just... hiss?" gaped Naruto, a large dollop of jam landing on the table from his knife, but neither Naruto nor Gamakichi cared.

Harry suddenly felt very hot and he squirmed a little in his seat, looking away from the three people opposite him, Hermione and Ron watching him warily from the corner of their eyes.

"You speak to snakes?"

Harry looked up at Sasuke, who just spoke.

"... Yeah." Harry hesitantly answered, his emerald eyes fixed on Sasuke's black ones.

The breath hitched in Harry's throat as Sasuke's eyes suddenly turned red.

"Do it again." demanded Sasuke.

Harry glanced at Hermione and Ron; of whom were looking very flustered, then at Naruto and Sakura; of whom were looking curious.

Harry's eyes slowly made their way back to Sasuke's shimmering scarlet ones.

"I-i don't think it's a good idea if he does!" squeaked Hermione, beside Harry.

Sasuke ignored her, slipping the snake from around his neck and holding it out in front of Harry. "Do it."

Harry looked down at the silver snake, able to see his own reflection in it's silvery eyes and scales. The snake looked at Harry silently, it's tail slowly curling around Sasuke's wrist.

Harry didn't know if it was a trick of the light or not, but he could've sworn that his reflection changed from his, to a man with pale skin and scarlet eyes, then back to his again.

Harry felt a slight prickle above his right eye and he raised a hand automatically, tracing the lightning-bolt scar on his forehead.

A feeling of nostalgia came over Harry that had absolutely nothing to do with where he was, a name echoing in his ears, a evil, alien smile coming over his face.

"Harry? Are you okay?" whispered Hermione.

"... Yeah." muttered Harry, the evil smile melting off his face.

"What's wrong?" asked Sakura.

"Headache." Harry immediately said, not looking at any of them.

A name echoed in his ears and Harry frowned.

"Who's _Orochimaru_?" Harry asked, looking up, looking around, at all of them.

Hermione and Ron shrugged, but the other three's reactions made Harry suspicious.

Naruto immediately tightened his arms around Gamakichi, looking away. Sakura squeaked and looked at Sasuke, seeming pained. Sasuke's eyes narrowed and he looked down at the snake in his hands, stroking it silently, his eyes back to their pitiless black.

Harry watched them, completely silent.

The three foreigners were silent too, Naruto's eyes slowly made their way to Sasuke, Sakura was silently watching Sasuke too and Sasuke was silent, stroking the silver snake in his hands as though nothing was wrong.

"hey." came a soft whispering voice behind Harry, making him jump.

Everyone looked at who was behind Harry and stared.

"HOLY FUCKING _SHIT_!" screamed Naruto.

(( TBC. one of my worst chapters yet. no flames, please::sobs at your feet, begging for forgiveness: ))


	28. introductions, pimps, old gaffa

Behind Harry were three people:

A boy with shimmering scarlet hair, wearing a black cap that covered everything above his glowing turquoise eyes that were rimmed with black. An aura of pain and darkness seeming to surround him, numerous piercings in his ears, one in his nose and Harry guessed there would be one or two in his eyebrows if he could see them.

A boy with white, pupil-less eyes. Brown, sleek hair in a smooth pony-tail, a silk, shimmering white bandanna around his forehead, and two silver, elegant studs in each ear.

And a boy with messy brown hair (nearly as messy as Harry's!), with red triangles on each cheek and a large white puppy on the top of his head. A lip-peircing, quite a few earrings and what looked like a tongue-peircing too _((have you noticed that i LOVE peircings?))_.

All three of them wearing hogwarts uniforms.

"_Kiba! Neji-san! Gaara-san!_" gasped Sakura, standing up.

"Hey!" grinned the boy with messy brown hair and the puppy.

The boy with the pony-tail said nothing, but gave team seven and the hogwarts threesome a polite nod.

The boy with the dark aura had a flicker of a smile steal his features for a moment.

"DON'T _DO THAT,_ GAARA!" shrieked Naruto, jumping up and flailing his arms around in horror at the almost-smile. "YOU'LL _BREAK _YOUR _FACE!_"

The boy named Gaara chuckled softly, dragging his eyes over the hogwarts threesome.

Sasuke and the boy with the pony-tail seemed to be having a glaring-contest, then suddenly the boy with the messy brown hair jumped in between the two of them, making both of them blink.

"HA! _I WIN_!" cheered the boy with the messy hair, flinging his arms up in the air, the puppy on his head yapping happily.

"Come sit down, Kiba!" chimed Naruto.

"Don't mind if i do!" grinned the boy named Kiba, stepping onto the chair beside Ron, stepping over the table and flopping down onto the chair next to Naruto.

"Gaara! Neji! You two too! Come sit down!" Naruto grinned.

Hermione made room on her other side, letting Neji gracefully slip onto the seat.

Gaara just stood there, looking up at the ceiling.

Naruto's smile slowly slipped off his face.

"... Gaara?" Naruto asked.

Gaara looked down from the sunny, yet slightly cloudy enchanted ceiling of the hall, to Naruto.

"You gonna come and eat with us, or not?" Naruto asked, a hint of concern in his voice.

Gaara shook his head, is glowing eyes having a flicker of loneliness in them.

"Gaa--" started Naruto, but the boy had already turned and swept from the hall.

"Damn..." muttered Naruto, pouting and looking down at Gamakichi, who was sitting in his lap.

Hermione looked at the two newcomers, Kiba setting the puppy on his lap, and Neji just sitting beside her, his shallow, white eyes raised to look at the enchanted ceiling.

"Mind if someone does an introduction?" asked Ron, looking seriously bewildered, looking from Kiba to Neji and back again.

"_CERTAINLY_, MY DEAR MAN!" cheered Kiba, flinging his arms up in the air and nearly toppling off his seat.

"My name is Kiba Inuzuka!" he grinned. "I live in the same village these punks do." he jabbed a thumb in Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura's direction. "And i like training and spending time with my dog, Akamaru." Kiba lifted the white puppy that was currently chewing on a spoon.

Everyone's heads swiveled to Neji like they were watching a tennis match.

Neji sighed softly, his shallow eyes closing.

"My name is Neji Hyuuga. I also live in the same village. I'm a year older than you all, but don't take it personally." Neji breathed, opening his eyes again and looking back up at the ceiling.

"Who was the other guy?" asked Ron, looking at Sakura, Naruto and Sasuke.

"His name is Gaara. An emo muffin if i ever saw one!" grinned Kiba, earning himself a swift elbow in the stomach from Naruto.

Naruto grinned as Kiba doubled over and pouted at him.

"Gaara's just misunderstood. He's not from our village, but we know him reasonably well." Naruto smiled brightly.

"_You_ know him reasonably well. _We_ don't." sighed Sakura.

"That's not my fault!" pouted Naruto.

Harry felt Neji's shallow eyes survey him for a moment, but he ignored it.

"And who might these pimps be?" asked Kiba, rubbing his bruised stomach and looking at Harry, Hermione and Ron.

"We're not _pimps_!" gasped Hermione, seeming slightly offended.

Sakura whacked Kiba on the back of the head, causing Kiba to yelp.

"What is this! _Pick On Kiba_ Day!" he sniffed, rubbing his stomach and head.

Akamaru yipped in affirmation.

"I'm Hermione Granger, this is Ronald Weasely and Harry Potter." said Hermione professionally, motioning toward the correct person in turn.

Harry could've sworn he saw Kiba and Akamaru's ears twitch at the sound of his name.

There was suddenly a loud clanging bell, causing Kiba to topple off his chair and Neji to blink.

"Time for class!" sighed Naruto, stumbling off his chair, placing Gamakichi on his head and helping Kiba to his feet.

"Do you have your timetable yet?" Hermione asked lightly as she, Harry and Ron got up, looking at Neji, who was adjusting his bandanna with caution.

"The old gaffa said we can take our lessons with you bunch." said Kiba, holding Akamaru to his chest after Naruto had hauled him to his feet.

"'_Old Gaffer_'?" blinked Ron.

"The dude with the specks, shiny dress and silver beard." Kiba said.

"That's the Headmaster, Dumbledore..." sighed Sakura, hitting herself in the forehead.

"Batty old codger, isn't he?" grinned Kiba.

"You have _no_ respect for your elders..." sighed Neji under his breath.

"Class starts in five minutes." Sasuke said in a matter-of-fact voice, standing up and taking an apple and placing it in his pocket, his silver snake silent around his neck, like a living necklace, Sasuke sweeping from the hall.

"Okay, Sasuke-kun, and I'm sure Gaara-san will be there, waiting for us." Sakura nodded (her slug still on her shoulder) grabbing Naruto (gamakichi still of his head), of whom grabbed Kiba (Akamaru still in his arms), of whom yelped while they were dragged off to the hogwarts grounds, Neji seeming to glide along behind them.

"... An odd bunch, aren't they?" asked Harry as he walked along beside Hermione and Ron toward the hogwarts grounds and Hagrid's hut.

Hermione and Ron nodded.

((TBC. i _had_ to have more shinobi in hogwarts. i just had to... and i love kiba. he's just too cute::SQUEAL: anyway, i hoped you like it, and there's more to come for those who don't flame!))


	29. backup, sandman, DIE

The konoha five swept down from hogwarts, through the oak doors and onto the grounds, Kiba and Naruto talked in very fast japanese, following sakura, who had caught upto sasuke, and was trying to perwade him to talk too, neji seeming to glide beside her her.

"_Why are you guys here?_" grinned Naruto, cuddling Gamakichi to his chest, who was grinning, in turn, at Kiba, too.

"_We came to help you guys with the mission!_" grinned Kiba, Akamaru making himself comfortable on his head.

"_You mean..._" Maruto started, scratching behind his ear and frowning, silent for a while before getting the idea, "_... Like a back-up?_"

Kiba let out a bark of laughter, his large ruby tongue-ring glimmering for a second before he grinned and nodded, Akamaru yipping happily atop his head. "_You're slow sometimes, y'know?_"

"_So, why did you guys take so long to get here?_" asked Naruto, totally ignoring Kiba's answer.

"_Me and Neji were fine to come with you guys, but the Sand-Man was off on a random assasination mission. We're supposed to go around in groups of three, right? So we had to wait for him._" sighed Kiba as they got closer to the giant's cabin.

Naruto grinned evilly as he heard the name Kiba and he used for Gaara. Gaara didn't mind about the name, as long as he didn't have to appear in people's rooms and sing to them, and as long as Kiba and Naruto never sang _that_ song...

Sasuke flinched as Naruto and Kiba sang the Sand-Man song at the tops of their voices, and stopped walking abruptly, Naruto and Kiba banging into him and falling back onto the ground.

"_Shall we get on with this?_" Sasuke hissed, turning around and slipping the silver snake from around his neck.

Sakura stood beside Sasuke, her hands neatly clasped in front of her, looking around at the three boys, hoping that they won't fight each other just yet, her slug sitting nearly on her shoulder still. Neji sighed, standing next to Sakura, his hands neatly in his pockets, and his eyes still shallow, but observing the surroundings slowly.

"_Whatever, hard-ass..._" Naruto grumbled, heaving himself up from the ground, dusting himself off as Gamakichi scrambled up his shoulder and onto his head.

Sasuke sent a icy glare at Naruto, who matched it with a very wet raspberry.

Kiba grabbed hold of Naruto's pant-leg, grunting and pulling himself up, Akamaru curled up comfortably in Kiba's hogwarts' robes' hood.

"_Come on._" Sakura sighed, placing her hands on her hips and glaring sternly at Kiba and Naruto.

"_Hai, Sakura-chan!_" grinned Naruto, saluting.

The four of them placed their animals on the ground, and to their own accord, as though they knew what their masters' wanted, slithered, oozed, bounced and trotted back up the hogwarts stairs and into the castle to explore.

"_You sure he'll be alright?_" Naruto sniffed, trying to make fake tears, watching Gamakichi bound up the stairs and disappear.

"_Aww. There, there, naru-chan! He'll be fine! He's your big boy, after all!_" Kiba cackled.

"_You're right! He gets it from me, dosen't he!_" snickered naruto.

Kiba and Naruto looked at each other for a moment, then slung an arm around each other's necks and started singing the Sand-Man song again, as loud and as shrill as they could, continuing to walk toward Hagrid's cabin.

Sasuke followed the two singing idiots, glaring ice shuriken into their spines, while Sakura walked along next to him, Neji next to her, glaring ever so slightly at Naruto and Kiba as they sang terribly off-key.

"Mr Sand-Man!" sung naruto.

"Yes?" Kiba sung back

"Bring me a dream!" they sung together, skipping along to the tuneless and off-key music in their heads.

The five of them got to Hagrid's cabin, all the griffindors and slytherins there, Hagrid talking to Harry, Hermione and Ron, leaving Kiba and Naruto to keep singing.

"Make him the cutest that i've ever seen! Give him two lips like roses and--!"

"_DIE!_"

Kiba and Naruto screamed in unison as sand exploded out of the ground, forming into hands that started to shake and strangle them.

Hagrid and the whole class stared at the sand, then the screaming, flailing and writhing Kiba and Naruto.

"_Diiiieeeee..._" Gaara hissed from a secluded place at the edge of the class, an evil grin on his face.

Sasuke took this moment to notice Draco's shirt was kinda open, revealing un-needed bandages around his chest; where Sasuke had hit him with Chidori.

"What's wrong, Malfoy? Someone _force_ you to get out of bed? The pain too _unbearable_?" Sasuke hissed under his breath, so Draco could only hear.

"Shut up, foreigner." Draco hissed back, his steely eyes glacial cold.

"Ouch. now, that hurt." Sasuke smirked sarcastically, looking back at the screaming Kiba and Naruto as Draco moved away from him.

Harry stared at the sand-hands that were strangling and shaking Naruto and Kiba, then looked around to see who was doing it.

Sasuke, Sakura and Neji all had the '_he was asking for it..._' look on their face, not bothering to help Naruto or Kiba.

Harry continued looking, to see Draco's drones, Crabbe and Goyle, looking horrified at the sand-hands, and looking down at the sand under their huge feet, as through it was going to sprout fingers and attack them too.

Then Harry saw Gaara.

Gaara had a very sadistic grin on his face and was watching with a sort of blood-lust in his eyes. Harry had seen eyes like that a few times before.

Voldemort's eyes were like that...

"OKAY! O-OKAY! _SORRY!_" screamed Naruto, slightly blue in the face.

"WE WON'T DO IT AGAIN!" added Kiba, looking slightly purple.

Harry noticed Gaara look just a little disappointed, then Harry looked back at Kiba and Naruto, to see the sand-hands were gone, and Naruto and Kiba were lying on the ground with a dazed look on their face.

"Damn that sand-man..." muttered Kiba under his breath.

"Shh! He'll hear you!" hissed Naruto from his place; face-down in the dirt.

Harry looked back at where Gaara was, but didn't see him.

"Harry?"

Harry looked at Hermione and Ron, who were looking at him curiously, a little pale at the thought that the earth itself could get up and kill them.

"... Something weird is going on..." Harry said slowly, a determined look upon his face.

((TBC. Definitely not my best chapter. No flames, please.))


	30. Unicorns, Gargoyles and nothing

((LOOKIT DAT! 30! THIRTY! DEAR GOD! THREE TENS! HOLY-- continues ranting !))

The class went as normally as it could. Hagrid merely had the unicorn lesson over again, just for the exchange students' benefit.

From the looks of it, Naruto was ecstatic, and loved anything interesting, including a possessive unicorn mother who was trying to rip him in half.

Sakura seemed to love the unicorns, and they loved her.

Neji just stood there, watching the unicorns with his pale eyes, until a curious fawn hesitantly trotted over to him and nuzzled it's muzzle against his chest.

Kiba said something about not liking horses, thus, just stood at the edge of the class.

Sasuke moved around at the edge of the class, but a persistent unicorn kept on following him, trying to eat his hair.

Gaara didn't pay attention to the shimmering unicorns, merely staring into the darkness of the forbidden forest, as though searching for something, a small frown upon his face.

Harry sighed as he walked back up to the castle after the lesson had finished. Why were these exchange students so _weird_?

Naruto and Kiba were singing a japanese song while dancing up to the hogwarts stairs, Sasuke, Neji and Sakura behind them.

Wait. Where's Gaara?

Harry whipped around to see Gaara standing at the edge of the forbidden forest, his head titled to the side, seeming to blend perfectly into the darness besides his pale skin and shimmering scarlet hair.

Harry grabbed Hermione and Ron's wrists and nodded toward Gaara.

"Odd guy..." Ron blinked.

Harmione scratched behind her ear absent-mindedly frowning ever so slightly.

--Meanwhile--

Gamakichi thud-squished his way through the cold hogwarts halls, Sakura's slug sitting on his back, Sasuke's snake slithering beside him, and Akamaru trotting happily on his other side, occasionally sniffing at the floor.

"Which way first?" Gamakichi asked, pausing in a deserted hallway, a large doorway to his left.

Akamaru sniffed at the door and yelped as the gargoyles that were standing beside the doors let out a hiss, startling the poor puppy.

"What do we have here, Frank?" asked the gargoyle on the left of the door, getting a better grip on it's pitchfork, looking down upon the four animals.

"No idea, Mike." answered the other gargoyle, shaking it's long-eard head and tapping it's axe lightly against it's chin.

"We would merely like to look around, young sirs." Sakura's slug said politely.

"Oh, _speak_ to us, do they?" commented Frank, looking appalled.

"We are higher than they, are we _not_?" snapped Mike, flicking his large nose in the air.

"... You call us _inferior_...?" hissed Sasuke's snake, glaring up at the gargoyles.

"_GOODNESS_!" gasped Mike, while Frank said something a little less polite.

"What? Never seen a talking snake before?" asked Gamakichi, tilting his head to the side.

"WE DO NOT KNOW _PASELTONGUE_! SO WE ARE SURPRISED WE CAN UNDERSTAND THE SERPENT!" Mike bellowed, placing a hand to his chest.

Frank hissed threateningly down at the four animals, waving his pitchfork.

Sasuke's snake had enough of this and reared up, raising it's head toward the two.

_splat!_

"DEAR _GOD_!"

"HOLY FUCKING--"

_SMASH_

"FRANK!"

"_Uurrghhh_..."

Gamakichi, Sakura's slug and Akamaru quickly made their way into the room that the gargoyles were standing next to, completely ignoring the large pile of chipped rubble on the floor near the doorway, that was Frank.

Sasuke's snake slithered over to the gargoyle and grinned down at Frank, who looked petrified, while Mike flailed about, wondering what to do.

_splat_!

"FRANK!"

"IT GOT ME IN THE EYE! _AARRGHHHH_!"

Akamaru shoved the door closed again with a well-aimed shove as Sasuke's snake came in.

"Did you really have to do that?" sighed Sakura's slug at Sasuke's snake, who was slithering across the stone floor, it's venom dripping down his chin.

"Leave him be. If he doesn't cause chaos once a day, it's _fatal_." sighed Gamakichi.

"Look who's talking." giggled sakura's slug.

Gamakichi pouted. "God, i hate spitting cobras."

--Back to the humans--

Our hogwarts threesome were standing at the oaks doors, staring out at the exchange student that was still standing at the edge of the forest, Naruto, Kiba, Sasuke, Sakura and Neji standing near them, in a small group.

"I _swear_ i've heard the name 'Gaara' before..." murmured Hermione softly.

"Where?" blinked Ron.

"Not sure..." sighed Hermione.

"He's coming." Harry hissed.

Indeed Gaara was. He was walking toward the oak doors, his hands in his pockets, seeming to walk slowly, but closing the gap between him and the doors remarkably fast.

But Harry wasn't looking at him, he was looking at the place Gaara was standing a second earlier, where a large black skeletal horse was standing, it's pale eyes fixed on Gaara.

Gaara finally made his way to the oak doors, the Sasuke, Neji and Sakura piling into the castle, Gaara a little bit behind them, then suddenly his eyes snapped to Harry.

Harry felt himself become cold when those evil, turquoise eyes snapped over to him, as though daring him to say something. Daring him to do something... _Anything_...

Gaara and Harry kept their eye-contact for a moment, before Naruto and Kiba jumped in between them, singing at the top of their lungs and swinging their bags around, so anyone too close would be rendered unconscious.

Gaara, Naruto and Kiba next went into the castle, leaving Harry, Hermione and Ron on their own.

"... Harry?"

Harry whipped around to look at Hermione and Ron, who were frowning at him. "What's wrong?"

Harry only then noticed his hands were shaking.

"Damn..." Harry whispered, putting his hands in his pockets, trying to stop them shaking. If he was going to defeat Voldemort, some random guy from asia shouldn't make him feel so scared.

"Harry?" Hermione ventured again, making the bark-haired boy blink.

"Oh. Nothing." Harry put on a weak smile. "It's nothing."

Harry, Hermione and Ron walked into hogwarts, Ron and Hermione exchanging a glance.

((TBC. about friggin' time, eh? sorry. i've been having idea-blocks lately! anyway, this chapter goes nowhere, so i'll answer some of your questions to make myself feel useful;

**are there going to be pairings in this fanfiction?** no. merely hints of random ones that come in. i didn't even notice i had NejiSaku in here! honest!

**any BLEEPIN' plot?** nope. none at all. i know! i am ashamed! DX

**Slash pleeeaaasseee?** sorry, sweety. HINTS! hints, i tell you! HINTS! merely hints!

**UPDATE, GODDAMIT!** i know! i beg for your forgiveness! TTOTT

**is this centering around one character?** nope. i'll humiliate as many as i can.

**(FLAAAAAAAMMMEEEEEE)** ... :sniff: TT.TT

and if there are any more i need to answer, i will in the next chapter, when i get around to that. :dies: thanks for all the amazing support. really! i never knew this fic would be so popular. 8D))


	31. bandanna, similar, potions

The exchange students shuffled along the large corridors, the hogwarts three a little behind them.

"Exchange students!"

All of the ninjas stopped and looked to their left.

McGonagall was standing at the foot of a large stone griffin, motioning for the exchange students to come over, and they did.

More specifically; Naruto bounced-, Kiba sauntered-, Sasuke strolled-, Gaara scuffed-, Neji glided- and Sakura skipped- over.

"It is time for you three--" McGonagall motioned to Kiba, Neji and Gaara, "-- to be sorted. Please follow me." McGonagall turned to face the griffin and murmered a soft word to it, it immeietly revealing a spiral staircase.

"Please enter." McGonagall said simply, stepping aside.

"Can we come?" Sakura asked excitedly as Kiba, Neji and Gaara swept up the stairs.

McGonagall nodded and followed Sakura, Naruto, and Sasuke up the stairs, the griffin making the staircase disappear after them.

Harry, Hermione and Ron stared at the griffin from a little way down the hallway.

"We've got potions in _three_ minuites!" Hermione squeaked, looking at her watch.

Harry and Ron cursed at the same time and the three of them sprinted to the dungeons.

Meanwhile, in Dumbledore's office, team seven were sitting on a couch, watching Neji be sorted, Dumbledore watching closely from behind his desk.

"Hmm... Confusing, a little confusing..." frowned the sorting hat atop Neji's bandanna.

Neji said nothing, sitting perfectly and elegantly on the wooden stool.

"Hn... You've got quite a brain here, '_genius_', some would say." the hat continued, it's brim drooping a little, casting Neji's shallow eyes into darkness.

Neji merely closed his eyes.

"Ah! I know! Ravenclaw!" the hat crowed.

Neji nodded and McGonagall gripped the hat, lifting it off Neji's head, the brim catching on Neji's bandanna and pulling it away from his forehead a little.

Neji gasped, clapping his hand over his forehead, standing up and sitting on one of the plush chairs, edging the bandanna back over his forehead carefully.

McGonagall glanced at Dumbledore, silently asking what that was about, but Dumbledore merely gave her a smile that said '_It is not our buisness Minerva, if he wishes to tell us, he will._' Yes. Dumbledore can fit lots of words into one look.

"Who is next?" McGonagall asked sharply, looking over at Kiba and Gaara, who were still standing.

Kiba bounded forward and jumped onto the stool, swinging his legs backward and forward, grinning like a lunatic.

McGonagall placed the hat on Kiba's head and the hat immediately said "Got a brain like a Weasley, this one."

Kiba looked up at the brim of the hat, pouting a little. "Is that good?"

"It sure as hell makes my job easier! Griffindor!"

McGonagall pulled the hat off again, Kiba immediately raising a hand to his hair and messing it up a little before walking over and sitting on the chair beside Neji.

Gaara walked forward, sitting on the stool.

"... Mr Gaara, i think it would be easier if you took of your hat." McGonagall said sternly.

"No." was all Gaara said, not taking off his cap that covered everything above his glowing eyes.

McGonagall felt the hat squirm in her hand. "Slytherin."

Dumbledore and McGonagall raised their eyebrows at the hat. It hadn't even been placed on Gaara's head yet.

"Are you sure?" asked McGonagall. "You havn't even seen the child's mind ye--"

"Oh yes i have!"

Everyone blinked at the hat.

"I can feel it from here... Both of them, in that head of his..." the hat shuddered.

Gaara slowly turned to the sorting hat. "Both of us?"

Naruto squirmed slightly and walked over to Gaara. "C'mon. Leave it."

"He said _both_!" Gaara hissed, turning to Naruto, still sitting on the stool.

"he's a hat!" Naruto argued. "And anyway! You can't kill a hat just because he knows about _him_!"

"Yes..." whispered the hat, everyone turning to him again. "Those second minds of yours... They're rather similar."

Gaara felt Naruto tense immedietly.

Dumbledore sat at his desk, observing the children closely over his interlinked fingers. "I think that will be all, Sorting hat..."

The hat looked at Dumbledore. "... Hn."

McGonagall gave Dumbledore a glance before placing the hat on it's shelf.

Gaara stared down at his tie, as it faded from it's plain black, to silver and green.

"Well, you should all go to your lessons. The Griffindors and Slytherins are having a potions lesson, and the Ravenclaws are having a herbology lesson." McGonagall said sharply, handing Sakura and Neji the Ravenclaw timetables, _((i am very sorry! i noticed sakura should've been in Ravenclaw because she's smart. i only just changed it!))_ Sasuke and Gaara the Slytherin timetables, and Kiba and Naruto the Griffindor timetables.

A few minuites later, the six shinobi were outside the office, just in front of the griffin, saying a light 'seeya' and walking off to their lessons.

Kiba and Naruto were talking hurriedly about what 'potions' could possibly be, and Gaara and Sasuke were completely silent.

Eventually they made their way to the right dungeon and Kiba and Naruto shoved it open, Sasuke and Gaara a way behind them, still not at the door just yet, silence falling in the class immediately after the door opened.

"Oh. It's him." Naruto blinked, looking at Snape, who was standing at the front of the class.

"Late, are we?" hissed Snape threateningly.

"We had to be sorted." Kiba shrugged, completely forgetting about being polite, jabbing a thumb at his new gold and red tie.

"Let's see.." Snape grinned. "Five points off each of you."

"It's a pity, since you're docking your _own_ house ten points too." came Gaara's soft voice as he nudged in between Naruto and Kiba, walking into the room, Sasuke walking in behind him.

Malfoy, who was sitting near the front of the class wrinkled his nose a little at Sasuke, while Snape glared down at Gaara, who was leaning against the back wall lightly.

"You were sorted into _my_ house?" Snape hissed.

Gaara did his '_I am going to kill you in your sleep and suck your blood out your ears_' grin.

"Sit!" was all Snape said, pointing sharply at an empty table at the back of the class.

Gaara took his time walking over to the table, sliding into the stool and dropping his bag at his feet. Naruto, Sasuke and Kiba all waited patiently at the door.

"All of you! Sit!" Snape growled, still pointing at the table.

Naruto and Kiba hurriedly ran to the table, Sasuke merely walking over to it.

"Mr Gaara..." Snape gritted out, gliding in between the tables and standing right behind Gaara.

Gaara turned his head minutely to the side so he could see Snape.

"... Your hat." Snape growled.

"What about it?"

"... Take it off."

"... And if i don't want to?"

Harry, Hermione and Ron, who were on the other side of the room, could feel the killing intent radiating from Snape's body, but it seems that Gaara couldn't.

Naruto poked Gaara in the shoulder, since he was the one next to him. "Maybe you should..."

Gaara merely shook his head, raising his hand and brushing a finger just above his eyes, under his cap, Naruto making a soft 'oh' sound.

"Fine! Detention!"

The whole class flinched in unison, except Sasuke and Gaara.

"What kind?" Gaara asked Snape lazily, not looking at the professor.

"The worst one i can get." Snape growled, stalking back up to the front of the class.

"I'll look forward to it." Gaara said simply, making Snape seethe and Harry could see the professor's eye twitching magnificently.

The class went on as normally as a hogwarts potions lesson could. They were trying to make antivenins for basalisk bites, but from what Harry had experienced from basalisk bites, he doubted that anyone could get the antivenin into their system before the poison killed them.

Crabbe and Goyle made their cauldron blow up, Nevil's brew seemed to be hiccuping, and Naruto got the weird idea that maybe whatever they were making, would be good on ramen.

"_No, really!_" Naruto whispered as Snape stalked past.

Sasuke and Gaara shook their heads, Gaara slicing something that looked remarkably like a human finger, and Sasuke stirring the cauldron that was smelling faintly like ants.

"_No! Drinking that stuff wouldn't be a good idea, i don't think!_" Kiba whispered back urgently, pointing to the cauldron.

"_Come on! I've got some ramen in my bag! Can i just try it out?_" Naruto whined softly, shoving his nose in his book as Snape snapped his gaze to them.

"_No!_" Gaara and Sasuke hissed at the same time, Gaara pushing the sliced finger in Sasuke's direction, and slicing open what looked like a pickled arm.

"You look like you've done this _before_, Mr Gaara." came the sharp deep voice of Snape behind Kiba, that made Naruto and Kiba squeak.

"Once or twice." Gaara said simply, pushing the flesh of the arm apart and removing a large artery that was wound around the bone.

Some of the kids in the class glanced at Gaara.

"He's dissected someone's arm before?" Hermione hissed in horror, dropping some of her ingredients into her cauldron.

"They _are_ foreigners." shrugged Ron.

"Not all foreigners are able to dissect human parts without throwing up, Ron..." Harry said slowly, hesitantly prodding his pickled arm that was lying in front of him on his table and gulping.

"Where have you done it before...?" Snape ventured, circling around Naruto, Kiba, Sasuke and Gaara's table.

Gaara was silent for a moment, placing the artery on the table and slicing it open. "... Home."

"Oh? They dissect humans regularly, do they?" Snape asked loudly, getting the classes' attention.

Gaara placed the artery in the cauldron and Sasuke continued stirring.

"Um... Snape?" Naruto asked hesitantly.

Snape took no notice of Naruto, his eyes fixed on Gaara.

"They were enemies. We were allowed to dissect them. We did it for school anyway. Checking human anatomy and such." Gaara shrugged, looking up at Snape.

"Enemies?" Snape questioned.

Gaara nodded.

"We kill people regularly from where we come from." Kiba explained, inspecting a large fang he found in the box of things they had to use.

"You kill anyone you like, do you?" Snape hissed, sounding disgusted.

"Not entirely. You get in trouble if you try to kill someone you're not allowed to." Sasuke continued for Kiba.

"Like when Sasuke tried to kill me. Or when Gaara tried to." Naruto grinned.

The four exchange students now had the attention of the whole class.

"I tried to kill you too, remember!" Kiba whined, unhappy he was forgotten.

"That was just for the exam! That doesn't count!" Naruto grinned.

"You broke my nose in that fight, y'know." Kiba pouted.

"_Really_?" Naruto gasped. "Here! Lemme kiss it better!"

((TBC. Thanks Echo for pointing out Sakura should've been in Ravenclaw! XD and thank you sillymail for the idea about having a fiasco in potions. it's most definitely coming! X3 sorry if this chapter is centering around Gaara too much. i'm a rabid Gaara fangirl. sorry. 8D))


	32. Perverted, misjudge, GOLLY!

There was a startled shriek, a loud clatter, an echoing bang, a dull thud and the sound of a squabble.

"NO! I _DON'T_ WANT SOME PERVERTED _BASTARD_ KISSING ME!" Kiba shrieked, flat on his back on the stone floor, Naruto on top of him.

Naruto straitened slightly, looking scandalized. "What has _Sasuke_ got to do with this!" he gasped, looking down at Kiba as though he was cheating on him.

Gaara gave Sasuke a glance and Sasuke twitched.

The squabble continued, Naruto trying to pin Kiba on the ground, Kiba not wanting to be pinned and kissed.

Snape and the rest of the class stared at the two rolling around on the floor, having no idea what to do, other than watch.

Naruto finally pinned a protesting Kiba to the floor, his hands held beside his head.

"YOU'LL REGRET THIS!" Kiba shrieked.

"You keep moving, and he might misjudge and kiss your mouth instead." Sasuke snickered, the only one continuing to tend to his potion.

Kiba immediately stilled. Naruto grinned down at the poor dog-boy and slowly lowered himself down.

There was a creak of stools as the students strained to keep watching, all of their eyes comically wide.

Gaara handed Sasuke the fang Kiba had been expecting earlier, and Sasuke took it.

Naruto's lips connected with the tip of Kiba's nose and it all happened at once;

Sasuke flicked the fang into Draco's cauldron, causing it to explode dramatically with red sparks and pink smoke, Pansy's stool broke, Pansy grabbing her neighbors in shock, causing five people to fall with her, Nevil's cauldron emitted an awe-enspiring burp, Snape letting out a startled shriek as one of the startled people that Pansy dragged down with her grabbed his robes, causing him to fall down too, nearly all the other children in the class falling off their own stools in a domino effect... and this all happened as someone opened the door.

Shrieks, yells and gasps continued until there was a dry cough from the doorway, Snape untangling himself from his students and sitting up, looking at the doorway in shock.

McGonagall looked like she was having quite a lot of trouble trying not to laugh, her shoulders were shaking and her lips were pursed, but it was hardly enough to stop it.

McGonagall burst out laughing uncontrollably, shaking, then suddenly her legs gave out, the professor merely continuing to laugh, clutching her stomach, flat on the floor.

Sasuke and Gaara –the only ones who were still seated in their stools– were pouring the antivenin Sasuke had been stirring, into a glass vile, identical sadistic grins on their faces.

Naruto straitened up, sitting on Kiba's stomach and looked around at the wreckage of tangled limbs and sparks. "_Golly_! What happened here?"

"You didn't notice?" Sasuke smirked.

"Sorry. I was all wrapped up in the bliss of _kissing_ Kiba." Naruto sighed dramatically, slapping himself on the cheek, a look of wistful shock on his face.

"... I _refuse_ to comment." came the growl of Kiba's voice from under Naruto.

Gaara took the vial of antivenin and corked it, wading through the tangled limbs of fellow students, placing the vial on Snape's desk, before wading back to his table.

Snape was struggling to stand up, every time he was nearly upright, someone would accidentally trip him up or yank him back down.

Naruto listened to the shocked jabber filling from the room.

"Is that _your_ hand or _mine_?"

"OMG! WHO'S _TOUCHING_ ME!"

"Eep! Touch me like that some other time! Not in _public_!"

"SEXUAL HARASSMENT!"

Naruto looked down at Kiba, who was looking around curiously, propped up by his elbows. Unable to let an opportunity go, Naruto grinned and gave Kiba a chaste kiss before jumping up and bounding over to Gaara and Sasuke.

"_ARRRGGGHHHHHH! IT BURRNS! GROSSS!_" added to the noises filling the room.

Sasuke and Naruto walked out of the room, stepping over McGonagall who was shaking uncontrollably in the doorway, clutching her sides, laughing silently. Gaara tapped his cap at Snape politely, who was still struggling to get up, and grabbed Kiba's bag, slinging it over his shoulder, as well as his own, before walking out of the room nonchalantly.

A hobbling, writhing, foaming, gagging Kiba followed a few seconds later.

((TBC. short, but amusing, wouldn't you say? XD would you call that a fiasco in potions, Sillymail:D anyway, that's it from me for today. sorry it was so short, but i'll try and update soon! thank you SO much for all those wonderful reviews, and thank you all for being so supportive! and, just in advance, the **200th** reviewer gets a request fanfiction. just to make things fun. ;D and remember, there aren't going to be any full-blown pairings. merely hints. ))


	33. Inquiry, nipplerings and virgin minds

Sasuke, Naruto and Gaara walked through the cool stone corridors from the potions room, Kiba a stumbling behind.

"Inquiry." Sasuke commented to Naruto without looking at him.

Naruto looked over at Sasuke politely while Gaara glanced over his shoulder to see Kiba walk head-first into a suit of armour.

"_Why did you kiss _him?" Sasuke asked over the cursing and crashing coming from Kiba and the suit of armour alike.

A slow, evil grin melted onto Naruto's face. "_Jealous, are we?_"

Sasuke wrinkled his nose in a somehow dignified manner. "_You wish, dobe._"

"_I'm sure he does._" Gaara flicked his two cents into the conversation.

"_Gaara-chan, did you get those _nipple-rings _you thought of getting?_" Naruto countered with an innocent look.

Gaara looked away, refusing to answer, while Sasuke raised an eyebrow.

"_He was going to get some ruby-studded ones!_" Naruto grinned gleefully at Sasuke.

"_And_," Gaara cut in as Sasuke's eyes widened in shock, "_did you get your _thing _pierced, like you wanted to, dear, little Naruto-_kun"

Sasuke choked while Naruto blushed beet-red, the three of them stopping walking for the moment.

"_Yes, now that you ask._" answered the blonde.

Sasuke clutched his head, stamping his foot and gritting his teeth. "_Oh god, the mental images! They_ burn!"

"_The piercings healed over_." Naruto grinned at Gaara, who raised an amused eyebrow under is cap. "_I had to take them out because they were getting itchy, and they healed over the next hour._"

Gaara nodded. "_I told you so._"

Sasuke desperately tried to stop the mental images by whacking his forehead against the floor.

... It _worked_, actually.

Five minutes later, Sasuke, Naruto, Gaara and Kiba stood outside the transfiguration room, waiting for their teacher and classmates.

Sasuke raked his fingers through his fringe and patted it over the forming bruise on his forehead. "_You never answered my question, usuratonkachi._"

"_I kissed him because i _wanted _to!_" Naruto grinned happily.

"_Ignorance is bliss._" Kiba growled under his breath, leaning against the transfiguration door.

"_So is a virgin mind._" Gaara smirked.

Sasuke sent an annoyed glare in Gaara's direction and the red-head decided to innocently stare at the ceiling.

"_Did you get those nipple-rings, by the way?_" Kiba asked Gaara, fiddling with his lip-piercing, looking at the red-head curiously, ignoring Sasuke, who flinched violently.

Gaara raised a concealed eyebrow at Kiba. "_Why is everyone so _interested _with my nipples?_" the red-head asked.

Naruto ignored Sasuke, who gagged. "_We just wanna know!_" the blonde squealed happily, clapping his hands together.

Gaara sighed a ever-suffering sigh, which made Naruto wonder where he'd learnt it. "_Yes, i have the nipple-rings._"

Naruto cheered, flinging his arms up in the air. "_Lets see! Lets _see"

Sasuke was now struggling to hold his breakfast in.

"_I really don't think--_" Gaara started, but was immediately pinned up against the wall by Kiba, and Naruto yanked the red-head's shirt up.

Ignoring the shouts of 'oh my!' and 'goodness!' from the portraits, Gaara sighed.

Naruto giggled like a a lunatic while Kiba let out a whistle, both of them staring at Gaara's pale bare chest, two red piercings glimmering at them, a thin silver chain connecting the pieces of metal.

Gaara vaguely heard Sasuke retch from behind a suit of armour.

"They're _red_!" Naruto squealed, his eyes sparkling as he twisted one of them, making Gaara squirm.

"Where did the chain come from?" Kiba smirked, golding Gaara's unresisting arms above his head with one hand.

"Temari's jewelry box, if you must know." sighed the sand-nin.

"What did _she_ think of them?" Kiba smirked, ignoring Naruto who was still giggling and staring at the rings.

"She..." Gaara paused as Naruto twisted his other ring, making him squirm again. "She dislikes them, but she's got piercings too, so, she puts up with them."

"_She_ has piercings too?" Naruto blinked, tearing his eyes off Gaara's pale chest. "I never saw them!"

"I'd be surprised if you had." Gaara said shortly.

Sasuke sat with his face in his hands, shaking, muttering something about virgin minds not being all they were cracked up to be.

((TBC. i am sorry. so very sorry. for the lateness, and the... -AHEM- 'topic' of this chapter. i love Gaara. i love paircings. simple. anyway, thank you all for your support, and please, i love little Sasuke and his virgin mind. don't think i don't. XD Temari is badass. i assumed she had piercings in that... 'certain' place. . . . hey! don't look at me like that! see the rating? it says 'M'! that means you were warned of my warped sense of humour! ... no? ... damn. x.x anyway, i've been feeling really bad lately, so, uh... yeah.))


	34. Whut, not helping, smashing

After untangling themselves from their classmates, Hermione, Harry and Ron walked along to the transfiguration classroom, occasionally making bemused comments about Professor McGonnagall's seizure-like laughing, which had not stopped when they had exited the potions room a few minutes ago.

"I really hope the Professor will be able to breathe soon..." Hermione murmured.

Ron made a "hm" noise.

"Lips going blue isn't a good thing in the magical community, is i--" Harry started.

"MERLIN'S _BALLS_!" Hermione shrieked, dropping her bag of books, more than twenty textbooks cascading over the floor, her hands clapping over her mouth, her eyes almost inhumanly large, staring in front of her.

"Whut?" Ron asked the girl.

Hermione seemed to be in shock.

Ron and Harry followed her line of vision and dropped their books too.

Standing, pinned against the transfiguration door by Kiba, was Gaara, shirt pulled up to his clavicles, Naruto standing in front of him, hands placed on the other boy's ribs, Sasuke sitting in a shaking bundle in front of the door also, all four of them watching the hogwarts three.

All seven of the teens merely stared at each other, before Harry finally made the first move.

"Are those _nipple piercings_?"

Hermione flushed bright red and Ron rose his eyebrows.

Naruto and Kiba merely looked at each other, Sasuke flinched violently, and Gaara just looked bored.

"Yes." the foreign red-head answered, raising a knee and giving Naruto a sharp prod in the thigh, the blonde stepping away, Kiba letting Gaara out of his captive.

"Why have you got nipple peircings?" Ron jumped onto the bandwagon.

"Why" Gaara asked, his voice merely a soft hiss through his teeth as he raised two pale hands, pulling his shirt back down, "is everyone so interested in my _nipples_?" Naruto merely grinned at the red-head when he looked pointedly at him.

"_NARUTO!!!_"

Harry looked down the hall to see the man named Jiraiya walk down, a notebook in hand, a rather impressive bruise on his jaw. "I need your help, kid. Tsunade won't help me with my data-gathering!" Jiraiya gasped, stopping in front of the young teen.

"I'm not helping you!" Naruto barked, crossing his arms firmly over his chest, a pout placed resolutely on his face. "I have a lesson in a few minutes!"

"I'll get you ramen." Jiraiya crooned, a smirk on his face.

Naruto's pout got worse. Naruto had learnt self-control.

"_What the hell is going on?_" Kiba asked, scratching his messy head of hair.

"_He wants me to do my sexy no jutsu._" Naruto grumped, the hogwarts three merely hearing a lot of confusing jibberish.

Clearly familiar with whatever Naruto had said, Gaara smirked, Kiba grinned and Sasuke groaned.

"_Can you boys do it too?_" Jiraiya asked excitedly, looking at Gaara, Sasuke and Kiba gleefully, practically drooling.

"_Of course I can!_" Kiba barked, placing an offended hand onto his chest.

"_Unfortunately so._" Gaara replied in a bored manner.

Jiraiya turned to Sasuke, who merely whimpered and curled into a tighter ball by the door.

"How about you all do it!" Jiraiya chirped happily.

Gaara, Naruto and Kiba exchanged glances, slow grins melting onto each of their faces.

"_Who's going to be the pimp?_" Kiba asked, rubbing his hands together.

"_I will._" Gaara stated, tapping his cap, which somehow had turned into a violent purple coloured, wide-brimmed hat with a pink feather.

"_You always look _smashing _in the pimp hat._" Naruto crooned happily, placing his hands together into a seal.

Kiba grinned, forming the seal also, Gaara merely rolled his eyes, edges of his lips twitched upwards, forming the seal too.

Jiriaya squealed in delight and readied his pen and notepad.

Harry, Ron and Hermione glanced at each other.

"What are they going to do?" Ron blinked.

Harry glanced behind himself to see the rest of the class stumbling toward them.

"_HENGE!_"

White smoke exploded into existence, Harry, Ron, Hermione and all the rest of the class throwing their arms in front of their faces as the smoke rushed at them, to almost immediately start to fade away, clearing way to the image before them.

Ron clapped a hand over his nose and blood exploded forth from his nostrils, as did almost all others, even the girls.

Harry, now the only one standing of the class, his shoes stained with other people's blood as his classmates lay, dazed, at his feet, Harry, somehow able to have a defense against this terrible thing, merely stared, all the portraits framed with blood, the occupants of said portraits unconscious with somewhat dazed smiles on their faces.

Standing before a very happily scribbling Jiraiya, was Gaara, wearing a rather dashing suit and gold chains hanging around his neck, his pimp-hat still in place, in his arms, two naked women, one blonde, one brunette, wearing nothing but fishnet stockings and hair-ribbons, their warm, tanned skin glowing in the light.

Jiriaya let out a happy squeal and ran over to the three, patting them all on the shoulder, before running off down the hall, waving his notebook and cheering.

The blonde belle smirked, before snuggling her arms around Gaara's neck, nuzzling his cheek, the brunette doing the same, Gaara not even seeming to notice he had two very naked and very beautiful women clinging to him, merely looking at the ceiling with glowing, bored, turquoise eyes.

"Merlin's _beard_..." Harry murmured, Sasuke merely clutched his head and sobbed.

((TBC. Ye gods, it's been a while, hasn't it??! Sorry for such a long delay! I just went off this fic completely! Anyway, this is a christmas present for all the people who have the patience to read this fic! Merry christmas, and pimp hats all around!))


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